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Bit of a weird one - harrasment

  • AnnoyedMummy
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18 May 12 #331349 by AnnoyedMummy
Topic started by AnnoyedMummy
Ok so a few days ago, I noticed that my ex had photos of our daughter on facebook, and they were public (i''m not his friend on facebook).
So I text him and asked him to either remove the photos, or have them as friends only, to which he told me I was a ''heartless b*tch'', that he removed them, and that if I ever text him again he would have me ''done for harrasment''. I text again just to say that I wouldn''t need to text if he wasn''t doing things like this (it''s not the first time i''ve had to ask him to do it) and that two texts wasn''t harrasment.
So yesterday, I had a phone call from the police, issuing me a warning, that my ex doesn''t ever want to hear from me again, and that i''m no longer allowed to contact him!
BUT i''m left in a loose loose situation. If I don''t contact him about contact or update him, then i''m breaking the court order. If I DO contact him i''m going against the police!
If I go into the police station, will they give me written confirmation of it? So if my ex tries to take it back to court and says I haven''t contacted him, I can proove that its because he tried to report me for harrasment, and that I can''t contact him?

  • .Charles
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18 May 12 #331382 by .Charles
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The police have probably received a very different version of events and assume that you have been harassing your ex.

You should take records of your texts by whatever means necessary, take these to a police station with a copy of your contact order and explain that you are required to contact your ex to arrange contact and that you have not been harassing your ex and are not subject to any order addressing this issue.

You should also ask for confirmation that the advice given to you by the police was advice rather than a formal warning and that they understand your version of events and your need to contact your ex in relation to contact arrangements.

Alternatively, you can instruct a solicitor to deal with the issue but this will obviously cost you money.

If you do have cause to text your ex I suggest that you begin each text with ''Contact Arrangements:'' followed by a succinct message which is not inflammatory.

Charles

  • happyagain
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19 May 12 #331607 by happyagain
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From a legal point of view, if one party makes it clear that contact is unwelcome and is feeling harassed by the other, to continue to contact them is considered to be harassment. You may agree or disagree that your second text was harassing, but it all centres on the feelings of the person in receipt of the texts. If they feel harassed, then it is harassment.
Now to sensible people this seems ridiculous and seems to be a weapon used by warring ex-partners to score points over each other. My husbands ex-wife attempted to do something similar after he contacted her to find out when she would be collecting the kids. She was angry at being asked to share the travel and contacted the police. We dug in and fought it, the police eventually backed down, but we agreed it would be wiser to include 3rd parties in everything from that point onwards.
I suspect that the real reason for this angry response was that he didn''t like you telling him to remove pics of your daughter from Facebook.

  • AnnoyedMummy
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19 May 12 #331610 by AnnoyedMummy
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I did give him the option of making them private, he chose to remove them.
Do I just never contact him now then? As it basically means he will never see his daughter again!

We are questioning if it was the police at the moment, due to them not knowing my full name, asking a lot of personal details AFTER the conversation, and not actually saying who they were, other than ''it''s the police''.

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19 May 12 #331639 by happyagain
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I think your contact order needs to be revised to put contact dates and time in. It does make life so much easier, removes any conflict and tension. We have just reopened communications with my husbands ex after 2 years of no direct contact and everything is so much more relaxed now that there is nothing to argue over.

  • AnnoyedMummy
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19 May 12 #331643 by AnnoyedMummy
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We tried set dates and times, but that failed as if something else he wanted to do fell on his contact day, he would pretend he was ill and cancel. It WAS working really well with him texting me when he wanted to see her, until he stopped texting! He hasn''t seen her since before Christmas.
I don''t have a solicitor anymore, as its been nearly 18 months since the last court appearance, when the case was dismissed. It would mean starting proceedings from scratch again.

  • hawaythelads
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19 May 12 #331651 by hawaythelads
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I wouldn''t worry about it.
As you said he hasn''t bothered with meeting the kid since in 6 months.
Don''t bother texting.See what he does to initiate any contact.I suspect it will be nothing.
All the best
Pete

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