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Even more activities being booked on father''s time

  • C. J.
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23 May 12 #332439 by C. J.
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Hi all,

Some of you may recall a post from me several weeks ago regarding an issue in relation to swimming lessons that were being booked by the ex without my fiance''s consent during his designated weekend.

A further incident has surfaced whereby we have found out from the dance school that mum has agreed for the children to partake in a dance show that is on my fiance''s designated weekend.

Instead of being honest with my fiance and asking him if this was ok before sending the slip back to the dance school to confirm their participation(btw my fiance would have said yes) she has gone ahead and agreed to it knowing it''s my fiances designated weekend.

To add further complications to the matter the ex is now trying to convince my fiance that he has got his designated weekends wrong and that in actual fact his designated weekend is not the one of the dance show but the one before. My fiance sat down with the ex on 2 separate occassions to confirm these dates so he knows he is in the right.

After figuring out what she is up to it''s evident that she''s trying to swindle my fiance''s designated weekend to make it so the dance show falls on her designated weekend as she does not want my fiance to partake in anything to do with the dance show.

To add further insult to injury she is still trying to convince my fiance that his designated weekend is the one before but even then she is cutting that weekend short by requesting that he has them on Fri night collecting them from school but that he has to drop them home at 11am on the saturday morning so they can go to a 4 hour dress rehersal for the show.

My fiance is starting to get very distressed not only at dates changing but the fact that the ex is still arranging things on his time without even consulting with him and is clearly still of the opinion that contact as a whole is still at her discretion.

He is not due back in court until the later on in the year so we are not sure how best to play this until then but what we do know that this behaviour has got to stop!

Should we write to the ex letting her know what we have found out and that she needs to stop doing this?

Please help! :unsure::unsure:

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23 May 12 #332442 by jslgb
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I cant offer you a legal opinion but thought i''d post a quick reply. I think writing to the ex could be beneficial to everyone involved if nothing more to have your fiances designated weekends put down in writing. As the ex is claiming your fiance has the wrong weekend i am assuming its not just every other weekend. Maybe in your letter just say you wish to clarify dates and put some down for the next couple of months. In terms of activities, maybe just state that you have no issues with the children taking part in activities on your designated weekend but you would like to be consulted prior to agreeing anything so between your fiance and the ex you can make arrangements that suit both. If the ex doesnt want your fiance involved in the dance show, they could agree to swap etc. Maybe suggest that if she continues to go ahead and schedule things for your fiances weekend your fiance will happily take the children to these appointments and return them at the designated time. As hard as it is i would advise you tread carefully! Good luck x

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23 May 12 #332444 by C. J.
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Hi jslgb,

A letter was sent to the ex a few days ago just clarifying future dates purely because she cannot be trusted.

We also sent her a letter regarding the swimming, reminding her that she needs to communicate with my fiance. This clearly didn''t register with her.

The judge has given them an ''open'' contact order in the interim entrusting them to sort dates out between them. My fiance has been flexible with the ex on several occassions allowing dates to be swapped and even reducing his weekends to allow them to go to other events with her but its a case of give an inch and take a mile.

She also threatened to stop some contact last week but after realising that the judge had a copy of all the dates that had been agreed between them and that she''d be in breach of the order if she stopped contact, she quickly backtracked on that statement.

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23 May 12 #332474 by Deedum
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Would you rather she said they couldn''t do the dance show because it''s their weekend with their dad.

  • C. J.
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23 May 12 #332477 by C. J.
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No thats not the case Deedum.

As I said above my fiancé would have agreed to allow them to be involved in the dance show. The issue is the fact that one parent has so little value for the other that she doesn''t feel the need to discuss it with him as its on his designated weekend. Not only that but then tries in a manipulate way to try and get my fiancé to swap his weekends because she wants to take them. Why can''t my fiancé be involved in their extra curricular activities?

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23 May 12 #332525 by Crumpled
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Hi maybe your partners ex wife is very sad about the breakdown of her marriage and loves her children so much that she finds it hard to let them go to things she considers to perhaps be milestones such as the dance show without her....i think it is sad though that she would not include her ex husband in these important events as well....can i be a little bit contentious here if she had told your partner about it would you have expected to go as well...if that is the case maybe this is something she cannot face up to at the moment ie someone else taking her place as their mummy

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23 May 12 #332527 by C. J.
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Hi, thanks for your input. They were never married and have been apart since 2009. With regard to me she accepts I''m around and has never singled me out as such in relation to being an issue. She is very controlling and my fiancé has been going thought the courts regularly since early 2010. She continually attempts to frustrate contact etc and has breached the last 2 contact orders.

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