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Flippin'' ''eck!!

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25 May 12 #332905 by Enuff Already
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Have been on this site a week or so now and the core element of posts re kids has amazed me. The men (or should I be politically correct and say the majority of NRP) are fighting tooth and nail to get and keep regular access to their much loved kids, for the women (or the majority of RP) its mainly about money. When did kids become equity! It really is scandalous that on the whole the opinion of the RP appears to be provision over contact. I realise now the ex is behaving in a very ''normal'' way, with comments of ''its for the kids, its in their interests, its for their benefit''.. pah!!!! I am a bloke that never asked for a divorce, never wanted a divorce just happened we weren''t matched for life. I did not marry with divorce in mind. We were both very equal providers and shared care equally for our kids, I did my share of walking the floorboards with a teething child, mopping up vomit, and soothing a screaming toddler having a tantrum, but that changed when we split... why.. hell knows.. but overnight I ''apparently'' became incapable of looking after my kids. I was rail roaded through contact hearings and oh my god the lies.. the huge whopping lies.. and the finances, even though everything was equal before, I got left with the joint debts.. how and why?, no house, why? now, although we earn relatively the same the expendable income is no where near the same yet I am expected to provide way beyond my means and in a way that leaves my quality of life in the ''sh**e'' category! What about the kids quality of life while they are with me..

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25 May 12 #332910 by perin123
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Enuff Already wrote:

Have been on this site a week or so now and the core element of posts re kids has amazed me. The men (or should I be politically correct and say the majority of NRP) are fighting tooth and nail to get and keep regular access to their much loved kids, for the women (or the majority of RP) its mainly about money. When did kids become equity! It really is scandalous that on the whole the opinion of the RP appears to be provision over contact.


Enuff, I am one of "those women", unfortunately it is me fighting tooth and nail for my child to SEE his dad, who by the way pays £0 towards his son...

Not always as it seems....:angry:

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25 May 12 #332911 by jslgb
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I second that. For all intents and purposes from the outside i look like one of those mums who tries to prevent contact without cause. This is not the case. Simple as.
My ex half heartedly goes through the motions of ''fighting'' for contact because his gf has kids. When no one is around he doesnt care and acts very very differently. He was never a particularly good dad, never did the things you did with yours etc and still doesnt.

Theres more to every situation than what can be seen on the outside.

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25 May 12 #332915 by blonde cazza
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My ex has contact arrangements which he doesnt stick to even though ive spent hundreds through solicitors at his request because he wont talk...Its not about money either to some women i need enough for my child to live on he gives me 10 pounds a day to keep him and when he requires extras doesnt want to pay!

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25 May 12 #332916 by Fiona
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The money argument can cut both ways and doesn''t really get anywhere. Sadly there isn''t a monopoly of just men who have an ex that believes the only way to do things is their way.

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25 May 12 #332919 by somuch2know2
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I agree with everything you are saying enough- haveli you have a Consent Order yet?

I too get ''think of the kids'' - ironically, it''s all I do. This comment is as standard as "it''s not you, it''s me" - after a while you know it''s just replacement talk for something else.

Have a beer, enjoy the sun and take a deep breath

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25 May 12 #332924 by Enuff Already
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Thanks for the replies, but as I said, this is about dads who are genuinely fighting to see and maintain a relationship with their kids. Not the fly by nights who ''pretend'' or ''dont bother''.

Perin: its sad that your ex wont see his kids but you cant make him either. This isn''t about your situation cos if you were my ex I guess I would have a good access to my kids and we could actually talk about providing equally and together for the kids, but that isnt the case, shame!

jslgb: I have read some of your posts and I guess we agree to disagree.

Blonde cazza: as I said to Perin, this isnt about pretend dads this is about genuine dads who DO want to see their kids and have a relationship.

Fiona: you comments are taken on board but going by the posts on here, I beg to differ and agree to disagree.

So much: Ahhhh ... A fellow sole, yes Consent Order sorted, house given to ex cos of kids, didnt expect it any other way and would have given it to her anyway, she kept 100% of equity, I wasnt going to fight over a 15% share and have a mortgage hanging over me so agreed 100% and she take over mortgage. It was more the way she went about it that got to me... what happened to the woman I fell for... Lost half my pension too but she kept hers which was worth pretty much the same, go figure, she didnt get spousal maintenance though:P ..

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