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Ex''s new house

  • Masha78
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28 May 12 #333396 by Masha78
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Hi everyone!
My ex moved out from the FMH into a rented house. All would have been fine, but.... the windows in there are all covered in (black) mould. Not just a little bit, but really badly. Between layers of glass there''s water that doesn''t dry out at all. (The house has never been rented out before, used to belong to an old person who recently either died or moved into a nursing home).

Father is to have our children every other weekend for 3 nights and one night during each week. I told him about my concerns but he didn''t accept them as a problem. What am I to do? I don''t want to go back to the court, I can''t reason my ex but I don''t want my children to sleep in the room and breath in for hours what might be harmful.

Would appreciate any advise......

  • DrDaddy
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28 May 12 #333420 by DrDaddy
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Why don''t you give him a chance to sort out his new house before you take him to court? How do you even know that water between the panes of glass never dries out?

We all want the best for our children, but your attitude comes over as very controlling. How would you feel if he went through your house, pointed out eveything he''s not happy with, then threatened to take you to court?

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28 May 12 #333434 by Masha78
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DrDaddy, thanks for putting the label of a controlling one:) I know what the house looks like because I helped moving etc. He himself comes around our FMH every other day. And I better not tell that he behaves in where I live like if it''s still his place.....

I thought I said in my initial post that I don''t want anymore courts! how a dr could read through that it means I threaten my ex with it?? omg, really, no need to take whatever you''ve got out on me here:) HND!

  • Emma8485
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28 May 12 #333441 by Emma8485
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Do you have a court order in place for contact or is it a private agreement? If there is a court order then to not send them would be a breach of the order.

Since you saw his house he could have cleaned it, its not unusual for a rented house to need a good sorting out and a few bottles of bleach before its up to the new tenants standards. Im sure he cant report any problems to the landlord and get them resolved.

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28 May 12 #333460 by Masha78
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Well, actually HE complained to me that the cleaning that has been done to the house before he moved in was very very poor (oven sticky, dust everywhere and that dampness with mould).

Maybe he really should talk to the landlord regarding that problem.
But I don''t think I should suggest him that, it will only make things worse and classified as controlling ;)

Yes, there''s a court order in place, which I don''t want to break from whatever point of view.

Seems like the easiest way is just to pretend I don''t know that such a problem exists.... ?

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28 May 12 #333473 by happyagain
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Perhaps what others meant, but didn''t say explicitly, is that in the big scheme of things this is a minor point. Its certainly not anything that would give you grounds to frustrate contact.
Your ex-husband obviously has different standards to you. This is an issue that many of us face when we separate, however the reality is that if it considered good enough for him then it should also be good enough for the children. They are in his care when they are with him, and if he thinks it is OK then I''m afraid it really is little to do with you unless there is a serious threat to their wellbeing (and I don''t think there is here)

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28 May 12 #333475 by DrDaddy
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Masha78 wrote:

DrDaddy, thanks for putting the label of a controlling one:) I know what the house looks like because I helped moving etc. He himself comes around our FMH every other day. And I better not tell that he behaves in where I live like if it''s still his place.....

I thought I said in my initial post that I don''t want anymore courts! how a dr could read through that it means I threaten my ex with it?? omg, really, no need to take whatever you''ve got out on me here:) HND!


Well, I didn''t say that you were controlling - I said that your attitude comes over as controlling. I am just being honest - it does.

Regarding court, you said "I don''t want to go back to the court, I can''t reason my ex but I don''t want my children to sleep in the room and breath in for hours what might be harmful." Which implies that you are considering going back to court over this issue. If I have that wrong, then I am sorry.

He has told you that he himself is unhappy with the state of the place - so then he will clean it up I guess? So there is no problem?

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