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When will this all end?????

  • youngandhappy
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30 May 12 #333942 by youngandhappy
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My partner and I have been together since February 2010. ( he seperated and was divorcing at the time post seperation in Aug 2009 from his previous wife, we met Feb 2010 just in case of mis-interpretation!)

We have been engaged over a year, and are happy to have found eachother - there''s a reason it didn''t work out before and it all becomes clear when you find the one :-)

I have been more than happy to stay in the background and have no wish to make friendships with the ex wife,initially in terms of never having known eachother before, and practicality.I absolutely adore my step-children, just like my own. The kids have been our utmost priority in everything we have done to ensure they adapt in a safe sound and consistent environment, with minimal disruption and emotional angst - and quite rightly so!

It despairs me that Mum can''t move on post divorce, and spends an awful lot of her time being disruptive, from e-mails, text messages, phone calls.One example recently, there were 11 calls, e-mails and texts all in one day before 9.00am!!!- surely she must accept this is excessive? This alone was tiresome, but has extended to contacting my place of work having sought me out on internet searches on company websites, demanding to speak to various Operational Directors, Customer Services and even the CEO with the aim to have me sacked under false allegations on a day when I was on annual leave!!!! Amazing!She has resorted to contacting the vendor my Partner is selling his home with before we move demanding details of who, where, why? etc and demanding changes to the on-line advert despite having nothing to do with the property - she has received her financial settlement, the house is no longer her concern. As a Mum, I can understand she may wish to know where the children will be living when resident with Dad, and will be updated when we have chosen our new home - Again, an out of proportion reaction as Mum moved with no prior notification - a different address given the day before Dad dropped off after the kids were resident with us in our time! We didn''t react - it is her choice.

Has anyone else had similar situation/reaction from their partners ex-wife?

I really feel a whole range of emotions. Sad for the woman herself as she must be really hurting herself emotionally and mentally, but most of all for the children who say Mum cries a lot. There have been other men in her life, and it''s all quiet when there is another focus, and we jump for joy and hope it lasts!. When she is single again, the campaign resumes.

It is varied, consisting named criticisms from a third party perspective, the children state I " insert Mums moan" blah blah blah. The kids are 5 and exeptionally happy and well adjusted.

She has since sought my home address and has sent ( either herself or Mum who is prolific at poison pen letters historically) a book for my perusal. Waste of money, and effort and binned.There really is no need or justification to interfere.

There is always something! My advice is live and let live- and put your time and effort into securing a happier life for you and the kids when they are resident with you.

That''s the philosophy I subscribe to, and with 3 years under the bridge ( same length as the marriage) it should be time to move on with a happy heart.

Does anyone else have experience of how to put this sort of behaviour to bed with minimal intervention?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated :-)

  • sun flower
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30 May 12 #333945 by sun flower
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My observations are probably not what you want to hear. You own marriage - did you have children? If not, you have no idea what this woman is being put through, being ripped apart from her children, watching her children going to her husband who lives with someone else. Yes, I have noted you met your ex post separation, but not post divorce, and for all I know your partners ex may have chosen to separate....but she may not have, in which case she will feel as if she has lost everything.....so my sympathy is with her.....you have to have been there to know how she feels. I''m sure you will get some more balanced views.

  • C. J.
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30 May 12 #334049 by C. J.
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She may be devestated by the breakdown of her marriage but that does not justify trying to get the new partner sacked from her job! Do you really think that is justifiable and normal behaviour for a divorcee?! Yes I have sympathy for this woman as she must be in pain and very bitter but lets be real here you don''t go out and try and destroy some innocent persons career!! :S

I only hope that the ex has enough support around her that can encourage her to get counselling in order so she can start to feel better within herself and move on in a new chapter of her life.

  • happyagain
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30 May 12 #334055 by happyagain
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No, this woman''s behaviour is not acceptable. Even if she remains hurt at the end of her marriage, that is no justification. What she is doing constitutes harassment and she should be told that if she continues, you will take an harassment warning out on her.

  • scaryspice
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30 May 12 #334072 by scaryspice
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I agree with SC .The reason she is behaving like this is because her children are being taken away from her .We didn''t ask to be part-time Mums . She is probably very jealous as you 2 seem very happy, and if she is not happy she will feel bitter and want to take it out on someone - you being the easy target.
Now I am NOT condoning the behaviour but trying to explain why she may be acting like this.

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30 May 12 #334075 by happyagain
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Well I agree to some extent about the jealousy part, but this is more than being unhappy at your children going into another woman''s home. She is trying to get the OP sacked, facilitating hate mail and almost stalking her. It also seems to be an ability to accept that her ex has moved on.
I too didn''t ask to be a ''part-time mum'' (I am not, by the way, I am always a mum whether my daughters are with me or not) but I certainly wouldn''t behave in such an unbalanced way towards my ex''s fiancé. And she was the ''friend'' who supported my husband after he walked out on us!

  • C. J.
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30 May 12 #334084 by C. J.
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I also appreciate that you are trying to understand the ex''s actions, however, why is mum be feeling like the children are being taken away from her? She must be a very insecure woman if she perceives the children spending a designated weekend at dads as being taken from her.

Mum will always be mum and dad will always be dad - it will always be a full time job.

Just because the children go off to the other parents house for some quality time with them, it doesn''t mean that the other parent should then feel like they are resorted to being a ''part time'' parent. You are giving yourself that status no one else.

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