A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Handovers of the Children

  • C. J.
  • C. J.'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
30 May 12 #334047 by C. J.
Reply from C. J.
It maybe that your partners ex does need a bit longer to adjust but havingsaid that, how much longer do you stay in the background for? What if she is just making this an issue for the sake of creating an issue, if that makes sense?

My fiance''s ex is also single but if these women met a new man and they moved in together, these men may well be present at the collections/drop offs too and are waving the children off at the door because mum happens to be in the shower or at work or off out shopping. But hey, that''s ok then! ;)

The ex may always continue to have a problem with you regardless of whether its at collections/drops offs or anything that requires you being around but at the end of the day you and your partner are a team/a unit, this means that you help each other out from time to time. It should be no different to her getting help from a boyfriend/friends/family.

  • happyagain
  • happyagain's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
30 May 12 #334051 by happyagain
Reply from happyagain
In response to boysmum, sometimes resident and non-resident parents need to call on extended friends and family to help look after children. I am at home today as my childminder is ill, although a friend helped out this morning so I could pop into work and sort some things out. Equally, when my husband has been working 100 miles in the opposite direction, I have picked his kids up in contact night.
What I would ask, Smith, is what does the order say? The ex''s sol tried to get my husband to agree that he would be the sole carer for the kids when he has contact, and this would be defined in the order. Naturally my husband refused, not only because by this time mums (2nd) boyfriend was already taking the kids to school, swimming, etc. but also because it restricted a normal life they should have with us. We found this very controlling and she had often tried to tell us what we should be doing with the kids in dads time.
I don''t agree that you should not be allowed to refer to the kids living with you too. They do, that''s a fact, and you are clearly part of their lives.

  • BoysMum
  • BoysMum's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
30 May 12 #334053 by BoysMum
Reply from BoysMum
Happyagain,

I may have worded it wrongly, and didn''t mean to cause offence. I meant that maybe smith1977 shouldn''t say that to Mum as things are clearly very raw still. I was trying to offer help to defuse the situation.

  • Smith1977
  • Smith1977's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
30 May 12 #334061 by Smith1977
Reply from Smith1977
The Order simply says shared residence order in favour of the parties...... the children to divide their residence as per schedule..... Resdience with their Father on..... details times, days, holidays etc. Residence with Mother on.....

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
30 May 12 #334063 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
Smith1977

This is a tricky situation, but it seems reasonable to me that you collect the children on the odd occasion when your partner can''t. They know you, have a relationship with you (and it might be this that Mum is finding difficult to accept) and are safe with you. Sending someone that the children are happy and comfortable with, to collect on the odd occasion is what any responsible parent would do, I would have thought?

  • C. J.
  • C. J.'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
30 May 12 #334066 by C. J.
Reply from C. J.
I agree with Happyagain,

I must admit that I don''t know what it''s like to have to handover children to a new partner but have got friends who have had to do this and although its not the most ideal situation especially when one parent in particular is still hurting, this should purely be about getting the children safely from one home to the next.

  • happyagain
  • happyagain's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
30 May 12 #334073 by happyagain
Reply from happyagain
Whereas I would advise caution in how you proceed with this, as mismanaging the situation will add fuel to the fire, it is clear from the wording that dad doesn''t have to be the person collecting. So by refusing or obstructing contact when you or gran pick up, mum is actually breaking the order.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11