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Handovers of the Children

  • BoysMum
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30 May 12 #334077 by BoysMum
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I would definitely proceed with caution.

Smith1977 said that Mum was claiming that the children are not safe in her care, along with other concerns. And, as smith1977 stated, CAFCASS did not observe her with the children.

Perhaps this is the route Mum will take to frustrate contact? I could be wrong, but reading between the lines, and from what smith1977 has already said, Mum is already claiming that the kids are at risk in her care.

I would exercise caution, and maybe try to refrain from collecting / pick up of the girls until the dust settles? Your partner has had a long battle and maybe by you stepping back for a while, things can get back on track.

  • Fiona
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30 May 12 #334082 by Fiona
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From the legal POV it is quite clear. Parental Responsibility means parents have equal responsibility and rights to carry out those responsibilities including delegating child care. A residence order shared or otherwise just determines where a child lives.

However, it pays dividends to handle handovers as smoothly or sensitively as possible because the last thing your partner needs is children being apprehensive about being picked up. There was good reason why the court suggested that you weren''t involved until contact was well established. Ultimately if your partner''s ex is hostile she needs to deal with it on her own and not use the children as a weapon against your partner.

  • jslgb
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30 May 12 #334089 by jslgb
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I''ve been through both sides of a similar predicament. My stbxh''s first wife banned me from contact for quite a long period of time. After she realised she couldnt carry on she relented. There was never an issue of me attending handovers with him but i wasnt allowed to do it on my own, and stbxh never asked, he wanted time with his child, he was responsible for collecting her and dropping her off. The longer we were together I was allowed to collect his daughter on around 4 occasions over the whole 7 years. One time her new partner let me collect her whilst the mother was away and she went mental about it. At the time i thought she was just being funny about it all, but being on the other side now i can sort of understand. My daughter has contact with her father for that reason only, to see her dad. I wouldnt let his girlfriend pick her up or drop her off. If something happened to my daughter during a time where she was with his new gf i would not be responsible for my actions. In addition to this, this woman is nothing to do with my daughter. Yes she may be her dads girlfriend for now, but i have no idea how long that will last (2 divorces, 2 children with diff mums at 28) and i''m wary of her developing a connection with her. Its difficult to try and explain and it wasnt until i was in the first wives situation that i understood where she was coming from.

You''ve obviously been with your partner for a while and this may be threatening to the ex. She may also be concerned that she doesnt know you or trust you with her children, or she''s concerned you may not always be around etc. There are a number of different reasons that you may not be able to appreciate unless you were in her situation. My advice would be to let your ex or his family be responsible for handovers and you enjoy your time with them once they are with you.

  • hawaythelads
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30 May 12 #334118 by hawaythelads
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Your partner should be fulfilling his own obligations.
If he wants to have the kids in the middle of the day.Then he will have to prioritise that over everything else.
I think he has been unrealistic what he can commit to with a job to hold down.
You can''t swan off work in the middle of the day and certainly not twice a week.
Work isn''t optional for blokes.He might be able to work from home but eventually his company will be pulling him that it''s work not child mind from home.
If it''s his own business he will have to schedule meetings with clients that don''t concur at all with the handovers.Then deliver the kids back to you then go for the meeting.
All the best
Pete

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