i am the father of a two and a half year old boy with my ex partner (we were never married, my son resulted from a very short "relationship" - his mother and i lived together after he was born for a month but it did not work out and i moved out)
i pay
child maintenance to his mother on a monthly basis (this was not agreed via the CSA it was agreed with his mother and i - i pay £450 per month) and i currently see my son as follows (agreed between his mother and i and not via any courts)
week one -
Wednesday 5.30 (i pick up from nursery) until thursday 7.30am (i drop him at nursery)
friday - he is dropped off at 5.30 and i have him until saturday approx 1pm
Sunday - i pick him up at 10am and drop him back at 6.30pm
week 2 -
Wednesday 5.30 (i pick up from nursery) until thursday 7.30am (i drop him at nursery)
Saturday - i have him from 4pm until sunday at 6.30pm
the weeks roll as above - please note i feel i do not see my son enough but it was a struggle to even agree these times.
There is a degree of flexibility on my part where i will certainly have him on days that are not "mine" and I will of course be flexible if there are things she wishes to do with him - ie his mum wanted to take him to a christening on a sunday (my day) and of course i agreed, i had him on valentines night so she could see her boyfriend, she has been on three holidays this year so far and i have obviously had my son for those periods, she recently had a job interview and i had him overnight etc etc.
My son''s mum is becoming increasingly unreasonable - she demands him back at earlier times than agreed (eg i should have him back for 6.30 she says have him back for 12 or you cant have him) she frequently tries to change the days i can see him and when i genuinely cannot have him those days/times she then takes him from me on my next "allocated day". We will agree things months in advance (eg my sister recently married and it was agreed I could take my son and have him Friday morning to Sunday night – I received a phone call Thursday night saying I wasn’t having him at all as she hadn’t been invited to the wedding. It was eventually agreed (after much verbal abuse) that I could have him until 4pm and I had to leave the wedding (I was best man) and take him home. i took him bowling for his birthday (she knew where he was) and she called the police and said I had kidnapped him I was only believed when I showed the police the text conversation with his mother that she knew where he was and it had been agreed. She will often call and say “you’ll have to have him tonight, im going out with my friends” and I have no choice but to agree. I feel as though I am the babysitter and my sons mother dictates my life.
I am at my wits end. I refuse to be drawn into her verbally abusive conversations and I try my best to think what is best for my son rather than myself or his mother but I could really do with some advice as to where I stand.
Should I involve a court? I just want to see my son – as it stands now or even more frequently but currently my son’s mother is reducing this agreed time and if I cannot do as “demanded” and have him when she wants me to, I don’t see him for days on end until she needs me to have him again.
Please help. I just need advice