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Think I''m About to Lose

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30 May 12 #334094 by u6c00
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Just had a letter from my ex''s solicitor. In it she gives all the reasons that she wants to move house 60 miles away.

I don''t drive, I can''t afford the trains as I don''t work at the moment and she''s going to be limiting my contact to alternate weekends. It''s a 5 hour round trip so there''s no chance of me getting him Friday to Monday or anything like that, it''ll be Saturday to Sunday, and 5 hours of that contact time is going to be on public transport.

I was a joint carer in the kids'' lives up until she ran off and accused me of everything short of child abuse. Now I''ve lost all contact with one child and I fear I''m barely going to be able to keep contact with the other.

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30 May 12 #334100 by Fiona
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It would be useful to know how long have you been separated, what was the established pattern of work and child care during the relationship and what contact do you have now? Does the solicitors letter make any proposals regarding contact and arrangements for schooling?

If the worst come to the worst perhaps you could considering moving yourself to be near the children.f

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30 May 12 #334113 by u6c00
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Since March there has been contact which alternates Friday - Saturday and Friday - Sunday. She insisted that this be supervised by a third party (which we have stuck to).



Her proposal is that since the elder child''s father has maintained contact over 3 years, there should be no problem with me doing the same. The difference is that in that case the elder child''s nan does all of the driving to accommodate contact. That''s not an option for me as my family all work full time. She does not indicate that she is willing to do any of the travelling at all. She also doesn''t drive. She has given up her own job when she moved and is indicating that when she has moved she will look for a job or will resume her university place .

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30 May 12 #334115 by u6c00
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Fiona wrote:

If the worst come to the worst perhaps you could considering moving yourself to be near the children.f


I would move, but I took on a year long tenancy half a mile from her current house so that I could be close to my son. I can''t realistically move for another 10 months.

Additionally she is moving to a small-ish city that has one of the highest rates of unemployment in the country. My degree is fairly specialised and there would be little for me to do if I were to follow her there. More than that I foresee that if I were to move to follow her that she would just move again. She has very little affinity for any particular home and it has led to an extremely unsettled life for the elder child. He has been to 4 different schools in 4 years, and moving again will make it 5. He''s only been at his current school 3 months! I don''t want that for either child but my son has yet to start school. I don''t want this to be the kind of life he leads.

Her application for an urgent Specific Issue Order to enable the move is apparently timed to allow her to move over the summer period so school can start in September. She has no address in the proposed area so she can''t have applied for local schools as yet.

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31 May 12 #334270 by u6c00
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Hi Fiona

I want to delete the information that''s in that post but I wanted to make sure that you have had a chance to read it first.

If you have read it and don''t feel able to offer any advice on it, please let me know.

I think the content of it makes me too identifiable to anyone with any knowledge of the proceedings.

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31 May 12 #334284 by Fiona
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Yes please remove information that might identify you or your child. I''m in a rush but I''ll come back to this later.

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31 May 12 #334390 by Fiona
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I think you need to argue that you were until recently involved heavily in the children''s day to day care and it''s in their interests that the established bonds with you and extended families are maintained. The move would make that impossible because it''s to somewhere inaccessible to you. If there is a poor history of contact and not sticking to contact orders the move could be more to do with a motivation to frustrate contact.

Rather than preventing a move altogether you may have more success in limiting the move within a certain area if your ex needs to move to somewhere where there are job opportunities and cheaper housing.

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