Last wed my ex took my boy to the beach.She rang and asked if we could swap my court contact due at 4pm for thursday instead so they could stay longer.
When I was reluctant to agree she made it clear she would not agree to any additional contact so basically I was blackmailed into saying yes.
Saturday I rang her and asked if I could see my son for a couple of hours to take him swimming. Of course she said no.
Monday evening I rang her and I responded to a message left on my answer machine.We had a small argument.
Tuesday I was made aware by someone that she is taking my son out of his nursery and putting him into what will now be his FOURTH. I am not happy with this disruption and emailed her for details. Of course no reply.
I sent her a letter stating I have Parental Responsibility and have a right to know what is going on with the nursery and have the right to agree or disagree with the change.
This morning I receive another of what has been countless calls from the Police claiming I have made many calls to her and have been sending letters. I put them right
but its not nice getting a call from them however used to it I am. It means communication has to stop and so therefore trying to get more contact is impossible as I have been told not to contact her.
What can I do about the nursery?Can I contact my sons new one before he joins and put a stop to it?
Whatever happens I think this calling the police after a request to honour my parental responsibility will look very bad on her.
Sure somone will advise son but my advise is to be carefull if she is phoning the police they can arrest you for harrasment and that will look bad on you in court regardless who is rght or wrong.
Is your court ongoing or finished now and are you happy with the level of contact youb have ? instead of phoning keep all correspondance in writing for traceability.
Although it isn''t ideal I think at least for the time being you need to establish autonomy and keep communication down to the Absolute minimum. If you have defined times for contact and you stick to it there is no real need to communicate directly with your ex apart from emergencies. If you must communicate directly then you need to ensure you don''t react but adopt stalling strategies and go away to think of an appropriate response.
For day to day stuff you could just keep a contact book to handover with important factual information the other parent needs to know. It''s then a case of allowing the other parent to parent to the best of their ability in their time. See parallel parenting;
You can now negotiate indirectly through your ex''s solicitor but you need to focus on the most important issues. The solicitor''s duty is to her client and she won''t spend time running up the bill responding to lots of minor points.
With regard to nursery Parental Responsibility means parents may usually act unilaterally, for example parents can delegate child care, so there is nothing to prevent a change unless you apply for an order to regulate PR.
I''ll have to try and regulate PR then and see what can be done.
Its totally wrong she can just change my sons nursery without even consulting me. I hope the judge at my final hearing will look badly on her for not respecting my rights.
As for communication,its hard not to communicate because I try to get extra contact which shes not totally against,or so she says, but mainly it has to be during working hours. Although thats been rare I was hoping to take a bit of time off and have my son but as things are quite hostile now that won''t happen anytime soon.
Rightly or wrongly the courts'' paramount concern is the welfare of children rather than parental rights, fairness or equality. Parents can usually act unilaterally so they can carry out their responsibilities. Referring back to the other parent or the courts about every day to day issues wouldn''t work and would be daft.
An exception to this is decisions about schools the children are to attend but nurseries are rather grey area because some provide childcare and as I said above parents can delegate childcare to someone else. Schools have a legal obligation to provide parents with certain information but that doesn''t apply to nurseries.
As far as nurseries are concerned disagreements about which one a child should attend has nothing to do with them, it is a family law matter. Your case is ongoing and conditions about selecting nurseries and schools may be attached to a shared residence/contact order to make it clear that you need to be informed and consulted.
Sadly parents agreeing extra contact is rather like parents agreeing extra child support over and above CSA rates. Parents who can agree won''t involve the CSA or courts. Those who do use the CSA or courts are unlikely to reach agreement so child support or contact remains rigidly at the required minimum. In the longer term if things settle down parents may relent and agree extra but that isn''t likely when there is ongoing conflict.
Do you at least think the Judge at my final hearing will take a dim view of her changing nurseries without consulting me even after i wrote to her?
Also the fact that this will be my son''s fourth nursery I don''t think will go down to well either?