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solicitor forcing me to give up...plz help.

  • befree2013
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05 Jun 12 #335172 by befree2013
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my ex has been abusive throughout reconcile . he hit me in the end in front of my child . police could not find any evidence against my ex during reconcile who was arrested a year ago for domestic abuse on me. i have records of last two years of violence medical and police reports.
i went for pre trial and judge wants to know in what kind of environment my child was living in. i am ready for fact finding hearing next week in regards to child''s contact and residence. but now my solicitor is asking me to back off. and give my child contact to my ex husband who is a doctor.
shall i back off and give him contact my self or shall i bring the facts in front of judge and wait for verdict?anyone please explain why is my solicitor forcing me to give child contact just before trial?

  • jslgb
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05 Jun 12 #335173 by jslgb
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Hi there,

I cant offer you a legal point of view but i thought i''d reply anyway :-).

Has your ex ever harmed your child? I can imagine that as a doctor he will be widely respected by his patients and maybe this would be why your solicitor thinks you may need to back off? If there isnt any evidence against your ex and due to his job you may be perceived as pushing the issue for your own sake rather that your childs.

Dont get me wrong, i know its hard to send your child to someone like that. Although my ex didnt repeatedly hit me he was arrested on one occasion post split for domestic abuse and he can be very verbally threatening and intimidating.

Are you with holding contact because you are concerned about your child? I also can understand this as my ex has very poor parenting skills (mediator agreed) and has returned my child with heat exhaustion, high temps and concussion before now so i know how you feel if this is the case!!

Are you trying to block all contact? Will CAFCASS be involved? Are there any current arrangements in place for contact?

These questions may help someone more knowledgeable about the law help you.

  • Fiona
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05 Jun 12 #335177 by Fiona
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DV isn''t necessarily a reason for no contact. When there is evidence of DV the courts will weigh the effects it has on the child and any harm or risk of harm is balanced against the harm children suffer when they lose an attachment with a parent. Therefore if the DV is low level contact is usually granted and no contact is ordered in less than 1% of cases. Perhaps that is the reason behind your solicitor''s recommendation.

  • befree2013
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05 Jun 12 #335180 by befree2013
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my ex was very bad father. due to his addiction for poker and porn he did not help as father of my child even during his paternity leave he would play day and night. when my child was 16 months old he slapped her for playing with his computer. he is very disinterested in my child and it scares the hell out of me thinking of giving contact of my girl child to such a dangerous educated man.
CAFCASS is involved and i am going for fact finding hearing next week. i have done lot of case studies and discovered the fact that i have no option but to give contact.
if i cancel fact finding hearing and give contact my self will it not effect my case all together? i wont be able to bring his real picture to court. shall i go for trial?

  • Emma8485
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05 Jun 12 #335185 by Emma8485
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What does your solicitor think that you should offer in terms of contact?

What is the finding of fact hearing for? If its for the DV issues but there is no evidence then I agree as above this could be why your solicitor has advised you to offer contact now.

Incidentally you cant cancel the hearing, only the court can do that, and if its part of a structured timetable that the court has set out then it will continue along that timescale i believe

  • befree2013
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05 Jun 12 #335189 by befree2013
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i do have evidence for year 2009 and 2010. but i have no evidence for year 2011. solicitor say as he is a doctor no one would believe me. and i should offer contact now. she say she will write to court about giving contact to my ex husband and on that bases she would dismiss fact finding hear for domestic abuse. contact should be supervisory as my ex was arrested and pleaded guilty in year 2011.

  • redwine47
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05 Jun 12 #335200 by redwine47
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I am not an expert so can only give my experience.

My stbx physically and mentally abused my children. Verbally and mentally abused me. Social services were involved but did nothing because at the time.. one child was 19. Other was 9 and was too frightened to admit to social services what happened to them.

The culprit is a headmaster of a school and who informed me that who would they believe me or him... Needless to say he knew people in social etc and case was closed.

It''s very shocking!!? The legal system & social services supposed to help... let me & my boys down.

Do Tread carefully, think about everything, go by "ur instincts".. these professionals don''t always know best.....

Hopefully other wikis will have legal advice.

Hope you''re okay lots xxxx

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