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Better things to do than spend time with kids?

  • strongerthanithought
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06 Jun 12 #335289 by strongerthanithought
Topic started by strongerthanithought
Sorry in advance for the rant ;-)

My kids have seen their dad twice since Christmas, letting them down time and time again. They haven''t had any extra time with him during school holidays for over 20 months, and spoke to them last night for the first time in over 2 weeks.

I have never prevented him from contacting them, and vice versa (except when it''s a delaying tactic at bedtime!), offered alternative contact should I request to take them on holiday etc etc.

He''s just been on the phone to me (not the kids, and he knows they''re on school holidays this week) about financials (see other posts) but when I tried to slip in if he''d be seeing them for Father''s Day weekend he tells me that he''s had to this, that and needs time to himself after work, running the house etc etc.... Just seems like he can''t be ar**ed to see them, all he wants contact for is to wind me up and bully me!

Praise to all NRPs who are fighting to see their kids, and shame on you if you are not!

Its the kids that will be asking questions in the future - and they will be able to work out who was the baddie in the end!

  • BoysMum
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06 Jun 12 #335307 by BoysMum
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I know exactly how you feel.

My ex hasn''t seen our kids for 14 months now. I also have offered contact, but he is just too busy and interested in his new life.

Our youngest is Autistic and really needs regular contact, as his life is structured by rigid routines.

The diagnosis has only happened recently, and we BOTH have been offered a place on a Course to help us learn and understand how to care for, and manage an Autistic child. The Course comes highly recommended, yet my ex has refused to go.

Our youngest was 2 years old when he last saw him, and is going to be 4 yrs old in a few weeks.

Very sad :(

I will never understand NRP''s who walk away and don''t want contact with their children.

  • AbsentFather
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06 Jun 12 #335331 by AbsentFather
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BoysMum wrote:


I will never understand NRP''s who walk away and don''t want contact with their children.


Campaign for a change in the law then. Make it a legal obligation for fathers to continue to play a part in childrens lives.

Under the current law the Non resident parent is free to walk away and the courts have no powers to penalise the absent parent.

  • Fiona
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06 Jun 12 #335333 by Fiona
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Courts and penalties can''t resolve all problems. Forcing parents to care for their children when they are unable or unwilling doesn''t benefit the child. That''s why if neither parent wants the children the children go into care.

Sadly thinking a parent is the baddie is a major factors contributing to problems for children in later life. Both children of separated families and those who have a deceased parent can be unsettled in the short term. The long term outcomes for children of those children who are positive about their parentage and identity are better even if one of their parents died than those of children who harbour resentment against a separated parent.

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06 Jun 12 #335334 by BoysMum
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The current law stinks. I think it is wrong that the NRP can abandon their own flesh and blood, with no thought for the child/children.

There is only so much ''positive talk'' you can give to a child about the absent parent,and making excuses for them, before the child gets old enough and form their own opinions.

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06 Jun 12 #335336 by BoysMum
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Fiona,

I worry about the children resenting their father and the long term affect that it will have on them.

My youngest, who is Autistic, has no concept of past/future or abstract ideas, so it is even harder to help him understand.

How, as a RP, do you try and make sure that they grow into well rounded, level headed adults? The long term affect is a huge worry for me.

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06 Jun 12 #335345 by AbsentFather
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NRPs abandoning children is very much part of UK society now.

1 in 3 loses contact with their children within 2 years of separation. We are bottom of the Unesco table for the welfare of children amongst developed nations.

Much of the blame for this lies with the attitudes that exist within society which by and large are determined by the law and failure of the courts to address the problems.

Court sanctioned child abuse is rife and the legal profession are willing participants.

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