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Ex threatening contact centre, any advice?

  • u6c00
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06 Jun 12 #335380 by u6c00
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Had my son on Monday and Tuesday, and returned him. When he went back he was happy enough, nothing wrong with him at all.

Got a text later that evening saying that he had a scratch in his groin area and demanding to know what it is (he sat on a bath toy, and didn''t even break the skin!)

Then I got a text today (24 hours after handing him back) saying that he has an upset stomach (this is the second time that it has happened, though the first time he was showing symptoms when he arrived to me) and threatening to apply for contact to be at a contact centre as I (and my "supervisor") can''t provide "adequate care."

Now I am pretty certain it isn''t anything he ate because he didn''t eat any meat or other food likely to cause an upset stomach, unless there is some sort of food intolerance which I don''t know about. Additionally, my "supervisor" (whom I live with) is an Ofsted registered, inspected childcare provider and is both qualified and holds a food hygiene qualification. I''m pretty sure I could defend myself against any allegations but I''m aware with the time that the court takes to decide anything, if she chose to interrupt contact it would likely be quite some time before it could be resolved.

Is there anything I can do? Or anything that I should do if she does stop contact? I texted her back a list of everything that he ate with me, and pointed out that he was fine when I returned him and suggested it was more likely to be a virus.

I suspect that this is her attempting to diminish my contact in order to gain an advantage in her application for specific issue to move house.

  • AbsentFather
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06 Jun 12 #335404 by AbsentFather
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Honestly sounds like you have done all the right things. Resident parents seem to pull stunts like this at times to strengthen their case whilst not putting the children''s needs first.

Only thing you can do is deny all allegations and if you are determined to fight your cause then get a child psychiatrist of your own choosing to do a report into the welfare of the child.

Alternatively do as I do and when things turn ugly for the children and people start dragging them to psychiatrists to implicate their parents then walk away. Contact is not worth making the childs life hell as they witness the parents fighting over them. Take a break. Find something to occupy you for a few months and leave everyone to cool off.

  • Forseti
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07 Jun 12 #335458 by Forseti
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AbsentFather wrote:

Alternatively do as I do and when things turn ugly for the children and people start dragging them to psychiatrists to implicate their parents then walk away. Contact is not worth making the childs life hell as they witness the parents fighting over them. Take a break. Find something to occupy you for a few months and leave everyone to cool off.


This appproach may look reasonable at first glance, but it is an exceptionally risky strategy. it will establish a new status quo without contact which can then be next to impossible to overturn. The court will challenge you to explain why there has been neither contact nor any attempt to establish contact. Parenting isn''t merely something you can do when it suits or when the going is easy.

It will also appear to the child that you have abandoned them. A short period of time for an adult can seem very long to a child. Remember that contact is the child''s right, not the NRP''s.

If the mother does apply for a variation of the contact order you need to resist that and arm yourself with adequate evidence to refute her arguments. If injuries occur during your contact time you need to have a full explanation for them and if necessary photographic evidence. Your partner''s qualifications should support your position. She may be bluffing, but if you are dragged back to court you need to be prepared.

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07 Jun 12 #335480 by u6c00
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Thanks guys.

Forseti, I do normally take photos of any ''injuries'' he suffers, however with this particular one being in his groin area I didn''t feel it was appropriate to take photographs. My friend has since suggested that I could use a towel to cover him when I take the photos so I will probably do this in the future.

I''ve already been keeping a food diary of everything he eats after the last time. It''s just these things are an extra strain. It''s unpleasant to have to photograph my son for these kinds of reasons but if that''s what I have to do, I suppose I must.

I''ll just have to see how things go at the collection tomorrow.

Thanks again

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07 Jun 12 #335486 by rubytuesday
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AbsentFather wrote:


Alternatively do as I do and when things turn ugly for the children and people start dragging them to psychiatrists to implicate their parents then walk away. Contact is not worth making the childs life hell as they witness the parents fighting over them. Take a break. Find something to occupy you for a few months and leave everyone to cool off.


I agree with Forseti that this is an incredibly risky approach, for all the reasons that he has stated. I also find it hard to comprehend that a poster who on an earlier post said:

I made a choice to walk away. Refused any more contact with them and do not email or talk to them.

is giving "advice" to other parents and advocating removing themselves from the lives of their children.

When a parent removes themselves from a child''s life, that child is left damaged, and the parent left to pick up the pieces has a very long and rocky road ahead of them as they try to help the broken child heal and recover from such a betrayal.

U6c00, please let us know how the handover goes tomorrow.

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07 Jun 12 #335510 by Forseti
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The usual advice is to avoid photographs of intimate areas but, of course, it is injuries in these areas which are most likely to be used in court. It is also an idea to include a ruler in the photograph to give an idea of scale, and to make sure that date and time are recorded.

In my own case, a tiny bruise on the chin (the indirect result of dental treatment) caused endless problems and proceedings escalated from that point. A long and deep scratch from collar bone to navel, caused by falling out of a tree, was never even mentioned in court.

It is absurd (and sometimes traumatic to the child) that we have to go to these measures, but that is the nature of the beast. Best wishes for tomorrow.

  • disneybunny
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07 Jun 12 #335515 by disneybunny
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My god I knew fathers 4 justice were not the most caring group of people but taking pictures of a childs private areas sounds a hell of a lot like abuse to me. Still as long as these ''men'' get their rights sod the damage THEY do to the children.

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