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Ex threatening contact centre, any advice?

  • AbsentFather
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07 Jun 12 #335549 by AbsentFather
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Reddit, there are a lot of positives to be gained from walking away.

I reckon my sanity is far better than if I had continued with endless court appearances and false allegations being thrown at me.

I no longer have to contend with the never ending cycle of abuse and malicious litigation. No more psychiatrist reports from the exes solicitors with allegations of things I may have said to my son.

Also no more contact with the ex and her vile parents and that is a real plus.

Initially it is hard to adjust to the no kids routine but soon you can find yourself again and start to do things that otherwise would be unthinkable with commitments to children.

14 months with no contact and the children appear to be happier, I am happier and only the Ex is still pissed off. Still telling everyone that I ruined her life.

I now do the things that fathers cannot do. I stay out all weekend, I go on dates at the weekend. I get to send the kids postcards and gifts from Tokyo and New York.

Going down the path of court appearances and having to have dealings with family law solicitors will leave you tainted and hold back any attempts you make to move on in life.

Your children want you to be happy and successful. You need space somethimes to rebuild and then be someone they will look up to rather than the person that their mother bad mouths.

  • stepper
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07 Jun 12 #335550 by stepper
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When my son first split up from his ex, my neighbour across the road had just been through a similar episode. He said to my son with regards to the children, just give your ex. what she wants and walk away, it will be less stressful.

It was alright for him to say that, his 16 year old daughter lived with him!

Its just not an option. If you love your kids you fight for the right to see them and for them to see you. Anything else is a non-starter. Ultimately you cant abandon your kids for the sake of a stress-free life.

  • Emma8485
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07 Jun 12 #335551 by Emma8485
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I think that this is really sad for you u6c00 and for other NRP - male or female in the same boat.

Its sad that NRP''s walk away from their children because the fight is too hard to bear - I am not being judgemental there, I can see from the effect on my own partner that this could potentially happen without a good support network to keep you going.

Its sad that when you are the other partner and you support a NRP, you suffer backlash, in my case, a Cafcass interview, enhanced CRB check, further interview, not to mention being slated in position statements for even wanting to support my partner. I was nastily ecalled "the other woman" until the judge told her solicitor to pack it in as he understood clearly we met a year after they seperated.

Its sad that a RP will use the tiniest thing to cease contact or as in this case try and get it to be supervised in a contact centre. Again I dont mean cases where this is warranted, I am talking about the average NRP here who until the point of seperation posed no threat whatsoever to their children.

Its sad for people to have the view that any relationship is better than none, - a child deserves a proper relationship with both parents, this means time at home, not in offices or contact centres, holidays without the need for specific issue orders, overnights without the need for years of court battles filled with hate and animosity.

A parent should love their child above all else, and should be able to allow their child to have a relationship with the NRP in cases where they are no threat to them without aggression, animosity, alienation etc.

This post has made me very sad, mainly because it epitomises everything that my partner spent a year fighting, and will probably do the same until such time as his daughter can make her own choices.

Good luck with your child - hang on in there


  • Reddit
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07 Jun 12 #335554 by Reddit
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Easily said stepper, but when you can see that your children are made miserable by the conflict and feel so guilty because of it, what then. Drag them through it too? I''d really appreciate some input from someone who went through this as a child. I don''t know anyone I can ask. Is there anyone lurking out there who can give us some perspective from this angle?

  • pixy
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07 Jun 12 #335555 by pixy
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I have a friend whose husband just walked away from three small children after a trivial disagreement over contact. Those children are now adults. They have a dad who wouldn''t even recognise them if he walked past them in the street. They have suffered all their lives from a sense of rejection and the hurt is made still worse by knowing that he preferred to be dad to his step children rather than to them.

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07 Jun 12 #335556 by Reddit
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pixy, with respect that is hardly the same.
We are talking about people driven to despair not those who walk away gladly.

  • dukey
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07 Jun 12 #335557 by dukey
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I would have thought the wisest and safest course of action for a child that age with a scratch there would be to take the child to a doctor so then you have an official record and the opinion of a doctor, taking a picture of a child that age towel or not could lead to all kinds of problems,sad but it''s the world we live in.

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