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Ex threatening contact centre, any advice?

  • rubytuesday
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07 Jun 12 #335558 by rubytuesday
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Lets be clear, the OP is not suggesting he has any intention of walking away.

Parents who walk away is a discussion to be had on a separate thread, discussing this here isn''t helpful to the OP''s situation.

Let''s get this thread back on track please.

  • disneybunny
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07 Jun 12 #335559 by disneybunny
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The point people are making is a loving parent walks away rather than drag the child through hell.

  • Emma8485
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07 Jun 12 #335560 by Emma8485
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Reddit I will share my experience of this. My mum left me and my two brothers when I was 8, they were 6 and 4 - she left for my step dad, she tried to get residence and failed, for whatever reason. She got contact, but allegedly my dad frustrated it. I say alleged because I was too young to remember clearly all of the events really.

She didnt see us for a number of years. When my dad got ill I was 14, my brothers were 12 and 10 - at this time, social services became involved for a number of reasons and I was moved to my mum - she was a stranger to me, and I couldnt accept that the situation had been so bad that she felt she had to walk away. My brothers were adults before they saw her again but seem to have found forgiveness easier than I did. I left her as soon as I turned 18, and turned my life into what I wanted it to be. There were times I saw her, and times I didnt, but always when I made the effort not her, she explains this by saying she always felt a huge sense of guilt over leaving us.

I am now 33, I have only had a good relationship with my mum since my own divorce, mainly because this was one time in my life where she supported me and looked after me however when I left my husband out of sheer despair that my marriage was over, the one thing I could never have abandonded was my children. My love for them kept me there three years longer than I should have stayed.

If I am very honest about this situation, although we get on now, and she is a good nannie to my children, we have not got a mother daughter bond like some of my friends have, and at times I still resent her - I still perhaps think like a child when I remember it, as all I can think is that she gave up on us, walked away, and prioritised herself over us.

I would not like to say this is a definitive view on this situation, or that other children will grown up thinking as I do, however this is my very personal insight into how a child whose parent walks away could feel when they grow up. Maybe more appropriate for discussion elsewhere.

To the OP - you are doing what you can, and whether picture evidence is the way to go or not, good record keepign will definitely help.

take care

  • u6c00
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08 Jun 12 #335815 by u6c00
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Thank you all for your discussion. To those of you that suggested walking away, I disagree with the advice given but thank you for offering regardless. I have no intentions of walking away from this situation any time soon.

Contact went ahead as planned, which I''m very glad about because today was a special day for us.

The threat of a contact centre is still there but it seems that she has not decided to interrupt contact just yet.

On the plus side, there was absolutely no sign of diarrhoea, and he was perfectly healthy and happy. Perhaps it was all made up, or perhaps there is some other reason that he had a day where his stomach was off (change in diet between the two houses or perhaps he has a food intolerance). I''m just glad he''s healthy now. At least now I can say that it would be plainly ridiculous to accuse me of giving him food poisoning if he''s perfectly fine 36 hours later. I''m just glad he was as happy and boisterous as normal!

Whilst I appreciate all the advice that people have given, we seem to have stepped wildly off topic on this current thread.

I actually asked a question about walking away from the situation in another thread of mine here . Please feel free to continue the debate there if you have more to offer.

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