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  • blonde cazza
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06 Jun 12 #335408 by blonde cazza
Topic started by blonde cazza
My son stays with my ex two nights a week.
He has purchased a house with 2 bedrooms one for him and one for my daughter.
My son when visiting has to share the same room as his father but at 13 i dont think this is right or healthy for our son.
What are peoples views on this?.
What would CAFCASS say about this?

  • yellowrose
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06 Jun 12 #335411 by yellowrose
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Not sure what CAFCASS would say but what does it say to your son that his dad provides a bedroom for his sister but not for him. I think emotionally it is abusive and at 13 could do him a lot of psychological damage.

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06 Jun 12 #335414 by fairylandtime
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YW I agree (you beat me to it), basically BC your x is saying I don''t have room for you in my life (that is how it looks to me & I would say to your son).

What has your son said? 13 probably nothing but grunted (he will have taken it all in though & it will hurt).

Is it possible for your x to sleep in the front room when your son visits, or a space to be mapped out for him.

Could your x be saying, well you didn''t want to "come & live with me" so I am not providing for you? Do you have room for both your son & daughter (ven if she doesn''t visit yet) at least you can show there is a spec for them both.

If you can talk to your x, but if you cannot then I would say to son, that perhaps your x couldn''t afford anything more etc etc.

They are so sensitive at this age, my 2 have a "room" at x''s at the moment, it has more beds than require & from what I am told is a dumping ground that they just happen to sleep in - whatever happend to a home from home or 2 homes where the kids can feel comfortable & safe. All it takes is a bit of care, love & attention is that asking too much?

JJx

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07 Jun 12 #335461 by Forseti
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I think it depends whether the father could easily afford a 3 bedroom house. If a 2 bedroom house is all he can afford, this is the best solution. The alternative would be for his daughter to share, either with him or with her brother.

It is better that contact should be taking place than that it should not take place, and it is often very difficult for fathers to afford suitable accomodation. Bear in mind that they are not often able to get the benefits which enable the purchase of more capacious accomodation. this may be a compromise, but it is better than the alternative.

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07 Jun 12 #335466 by blonde cazza
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He does earn a good wage 36k a year which given the area he could of purchased 3 bed house if he looked about.
Its the empty promises that he gives our son that gets to me most...why promise a child a bedroom before checking out prices etc etc...last year he promised him private speech thearpy lessons sadly this never occured either.
Even when i asked last night about his wage slip to see if cm was correct...he wouldnt send me a copy so i replied csa would request one then he just said good then i can pay less.
I would also like to say that all i left this marriage with was the inheritenance my parents left me...he has given me nothing and made sure hes hiddden everything.

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07 Jun 12 #335469 by WYSPECIAL
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blonde cazza wrote:

He does earn a good wage 36k a year which given the area he could of purchased 3 bed house if he looked about.
Its the empty promises that he gives our son that gets to me most...why promise a child a bedroom before checking out prices etc etc...last year he promised him private speech thearpy lessons sadly this never occured either.
Even when i asked last night about his wage slip to see if cm was correct...he wouldnt send me a copy so i replied csa would request one then he just said good then i can pay less.
I would also like to say that all i left this marriage with was the inheritenance my parents left me...he has given me nothing and made sure hes hiddden everything.


It all sounds quite confrontational. Why would you expect him to show you his private pay slips? Like you say, and sounds like threatened, you have the CSA option but you still wouldn''t see his pay slip.

Does the daughter live with him all the time in which case are you paying a realistic amount of CM to him for her?

If possible could you have a chat with him in private about how your son feels?

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07 Jun 12 #335475 by blonde cazza
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No one has threatened him at all.He has never disclosed a pay slip nor has he disclosed financial information to my solicitor.
Ive tried to talk to him and all you get is angry replies.
He said he based his cm amount on the csa but its never formally gone through them.I checked online and he should be paying 93 pounds a week hence why i asked if i could see a copy of his wage slip.The csa would request evidence of his earnings but everything is like a game to him.
My daughter is 18 and is earning so cm isnt payable by me.
My ex is a very bitter person at the moment and its our son who bears the brunt.Ive been with my son when my exs family ignorged him in the supermarket....but my main point here is why promise a child something if you cant give it to them!
my exs family have commented on fb even his daughter how angry he is.
Even my solicitor has said go through csa because he gets no where with him.

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