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Contact with my children

  • MrsMathsisfun
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23 Jun 12 #338578 by MrsMathsisfun
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Wear sunscreen.

Keep in contact with your children in what ever way you can. Card letters, phone calls and when contact allowed contact.

Your children need you in their lives and as they get older they will need to know you fought for them but that mum stopped the contact.

My ex husband first wife refused contact and eventually he gave up. Its the biggest regret of his life because 15yrs later the children came to find him and he had to admit he didnt fight and it was this that hurt them more.

All they keep on saying was why didnt you try. They understood that their mum would have still prevented contact but still wanted their dad to have tried and fought all through the courts.

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23 Jun 12 #338583 by Wear Sunscreen
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Hi MathisFun,

Your''re absolutely right. I guess that when something hurts so much, it''s the easy option to turn your back on it.

I will keep trying to have contact with my children and keep tht evidence of my efforts. I think it is all I can do.

Thanks again.

  • hawaythelads
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23 Jun 12 #338591 by hawaythelads
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Wear Sunscreen

Ok financials are settled.
How punitive was this to the wife did it mean her and the kids moving out the family home?

Was you having an affair and are with a new partner that brought all this on?

That''s always two big issues that will make your ex far from co-operative.

So the ex wife is dictating contact on her terms.Probably sorting out as and when it suits her.

I think that you would be best to approach this with a letter actually perhaps solicitors non threatening that you would like to establish consistent overnight contact every other weekend to give the kids an opportunity to develop a proper relationship with their Dad with consistency and routine and an element of daily living.
Then send another letter offering mediation if she stalls that.
Then if she stalls or blows up all of that then you hit it with the application to court for a contact order.

Look at the end of the day the family law courts are well weighted in the womans favour.If you go in saying I want week about residence forget it even the government reports just out have blatantly said to Batman and Robin F4J forget it week about.
However what has become the NORM for contact for Dad''s if they want it is every other weekend and a school night at least for tea.And some of the school holidays too.(Even half but feck knows what blokes have Jobs giving 7 weeks holiday a year.)

So in reality your outlook is somewhat defeatist without even asking the question.

All the best
Pete

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23 Jun 12 #338596 by Wear Sunscreen
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Hi there, The wife got almost all of the money from the settlement, hid money which went unpunished and came out of it having cost me thousands and keeping the house (which I never threatened). I didn''t cheat on her either, so there is no reason why she should be bitter. Even if I had cheated on her, this behaviour would surely still be wrong and we would be having this discussion in order to excuse or explain her behaviour.

All of the things you have mentioned have been done. Non-threatening letter from solicitor saying that all I want is contact, proposed schedule which pretty much matches what you suggested and as appears to be the norm, etc, etc. All she does is reply to what she feels like replying to, and lies about what she has done and what she proposes to do.

You''re right.. the system allows bitter women to exact ''revenge'' using the children for perceived injustices... Before someone says it, I know that some men are just as bad and they should be equally ashamed of themselves.

Someone mentioned earlier that I should keep trying to stay in contact with my children and keep all evidence of this, and that is all I can do right now.

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23 Jun 12 #338607 by hawaythelads
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Wear sunscreen,

I was just trying to ascertain the circumstances of the divorce to get a better undestanding of if there were any aggravating factors that might be motivating it.

As you are blame free have already pursued proven reasonable routes to establish a proper contact schedule.
Time to take the gloves off.
I''d be instructing the solicitor to be putting the application into the court for a contact order.
You will get the contact no doubt about it.
It''s not like the kids have got any problem with you.
You''ve got nothing to lose.
All the best
Pete x

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23 Jun 12 #338609 by Wear Sunscreen
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Hi Pete, Thanks for your reply. Apologies for seeming hypersensitive about your question, but the assumption always seems to be that that the father may have done something to aggravate the situation. I guess it''s a disbelief that a mother would appear to be so unreasonable without provocation. Unfortunately, this is sometimes (not always) the case.

All of what you say rings true from other conversations. Another costly court appearance for what should be a right...and more money for solicitors. :(.

Thanks again.

  • BoysMum
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23 Jun 12 #338610 by BoysMum
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Yes, it will probably mean you have to go to court, and with that comes solicitors fees. Surely it''s worth fighting for what is right. Surely your kids are worth fighting for, and worth every penny you spend?

You will undoubtedly get contact, and your kids will have the chance to build a loving and meaningful relationship with you.

That''s something you can''t put a price on.

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