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Letter from EX''s Solicitor came today

  • ffc1991
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08 Jun 12 #335719 by ffc1991
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Well the letter is full of a pack of lies for starters, nothing malicious along the lines of accusations of such but just turn of events. My ex has stated that i have been very inflexible with arranging contact, which i have not i have offered to see my daughter on many occasions and tried to do it to suit my ex partner. I have not once turnt down contact with my daughter. Has claimed that i harassed her and was abusive to her in telephone calls, i made several phone calls to my partner but none were actually answered (I have a list of my call logs to her number which confirms this), and that i have been extremely aggressive in texts. Bar calling her a ***** once and that her behavior is disgusting i can''t see that warranting as very abusive.

The letter now says that my EX is willing to attend mediation. She has rejected mediation twice in the past and i can''t help but feel she''s doing this now only upon request from her solicitor as we know it''s a legal requirement for her to get legal aid funding which she will qualify for as she is on income support.

My plan is to self represent myself. The letter states as follows ''''We have made a referral to a local mediation service. We note that ytou had previously made a referral to a mediation servicein your area, but you will no doubt appreciate that the care of a young child makes it difficult for our client to travel such a distance''''

I must add that i also made a referral to her local mediation office as well but after my EX told she was unwilling to attend mediation i attended the MIAM session at my local mediation service only.

The letter continues as follows ''''Should your client wish to make an application to the court to seek a defined contact order pending the outcome of mediation, then this is of course a matter for him. We are instructed to accept service of proceedings on behalf of our client.

Now i''m a little confused here. The wording of that letter makes it sound like that i have to attend mediation? And if no outcome i then can apply for a contact order. Mediation could take months and i''m not happy with playing second fiddle and being my EX''s puppet, when i know we wont come to agreement and that she''s attending mediation because she has to.

Can i still apply for this contact order? She has also offered me contact in a contact centre fortnightly on a Saturday. This i will of course agree to as i want to see my gorgeous little girl. But how is it fair that i''ll have to travel 10 hours in 1 day for a couple of hours in a contact centre?

My solicitor who i intend to part with is out of the office till Tuesday now. SO thought i''d come here and seek advice.

I have the contact order papers all filled out and ready to be sent of today.

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08 Jun 12 #335726 by AbsentFather
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If it helps this kind of letter and allegations are kind of standard. Solicitors like to do this to try and rile you. They want you to react.

I had the letter full of accusations and lies (they dont want you to reconcile or sort this out between yourselves).

I had the police show up at my new home with a warning that my wife had complained about the tone of my emails.

You could try to get this to court but I think they only rush cases into court where there are allegations of domestic violence and one of you is at real risk.

Welcome to the club. Unfortunately you are now of secondary importance and your ex will get to play power games. Get used to it. Make the adjustments and find other ways to vent your frustration.

Your ex''s solicitor will want you to be angry and play up so that they convince a judge that you are unreasonable.

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08 Jun 12 #335731 by rubytuesday
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The solicitor will be a) acting on the instructions of their client and b] only have their client''s version of events. Solicitors are not in the habit of making up allegations just to pass the time ;)

It is much better when corresponding with a solicitor to stick to points in hand, rather than getting into a tit for tat situation with who said/did what, it clogs up the solicitor''s time, and slows everything down.

mediation is a good starting point where there is conflict or disagreement, and it is far better to have attempted mediation than to refuse it outright. At least then, if things do end up in Court, you know that you have taken all reasonable steps to avoid Court.

I agree that the 10 hours travel every fortnight is unfair, but if you dont undertake that journey, then you miss out on seeing your child, and they miss out on seeing you. It also shows your commitment (to the Court) to your child in that you are fully prepared to undertake such a journey.

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08 Jun 12 #335734 by halfadad
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I take it to mean that it is your decision whether or not to apply to court whilst waiting for mediation, and if you do so then they will accept service of the papers.

However I think its possible that you will appear unreasonable if you do as the court would want you to try mediation anyway.

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08 Jun 12 #335738 by ffc1991
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Thanks Ruby and Absent father

Ruby i did attempt mediation but like i stated she refused it and imo she is only willing to attend now purely on the basis that she has to to get public funding.

If i delay the filing of the court papers then that would mean i would have to wait for mediation to finish etc. I really am not happy with traveling all that way for a couple of hours for a couple of months whilst doing mediation just to allow my EX partner to get a public funding certificate. Ofcourse i''m happy i will now be allowed to see my Daughter i would do all that traveling even if it was for 1 hour with my daughter.

Can i file for court? and technically go to a mediation meeting? AM i right in thinking that the court will probably refer us to mediation anyway? but i would at least then have another hearing date set to see the outcome of mediation? Also there could be a chance at the first hearing that i could try get more contact?

Sorry for the million and 1 questions


@halfadad the papers were signed and dated Wednesday before i was upon receipt of this letter. As above my concerns are that during mediation i will only get a couple of hours every 2 weeks and this just sin''t enough. I had a very strong bond with my daughter and helped with her every day to day care every day. My EX partner also has a new partner who is frequently staying with my EX and can''t help but feel my relationship with my daughter will get worse the longer i leave it.

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08 Jun 12 #335739 by halfadad
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To answer your questions. Yes you can file for court anyway. Your ex will still get legal aid funding on the basis that you have refused to wait for mediation - she wont be expected to turn up without legal representation.

Its extremely doubtful that the court will order any more contact that your ex is willing to grant at a first Directions hearing.

Going to court could make her less willing to compromise and make her determined to "win". However not going to court puts everything in her control. Its a very fine and difficult line to walk.

Perhaps you could await your court date and when it comes through request an adjournment on the basis you are trying mediation (say for 3 months) with the provision that if contact / mediation breaks down you can apply for an earlier court date with 48 hours notice to your ex?

Why is your ex suggesting a contact centre - does the solicitors letter say?

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08 Jun 12 #335742 by ffc1991
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Thanks Half a dad i''''bear all that in mind.

The letter doesen''t states ''''In light of the recent difficulties and with a view to ensuring that ..... Needs are met and that she is safe at this stage, our client would propose contact at a local contact centre''''

Goes on to say i would have to pay a referral fee etc.

I helped with the day to day care of my daughter every single day of her life since she was born up until my EX and i parted and i mean every single day. So these concerns are nothing but malicious and a way of controlling the situation in my opinion.

Also by saying getting more contact at the first hearing, i meant that i was under the understanding at the 1st meeting both parties try to come to an agreement. I know for a fact that mediation won''t help. My partner has said all the usual over my dead body to the proposals i wanted etc. She''s purely offering it to obtain the public funding certificate.

Upon your suggestion is that easily done? Requesting an adjournment etc? As i would consider this if it is the case. However i''m concerned that these mediation dates will be done on days to suit her? no doubt it would be done on the weekend or midweek i''m not due to see my child. This would involve a lot of traveling every week and a very big expense. It costs me just under £80 a time traveling up there. I don''t qualify for legal aid but i have a lot of expenses that were not taken into account. So i''m concerned i also just wont be able to afford all this constant travel possibly.

Post edited to remove identifiable details about the child.

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