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I want him to have contact!!!

  • dan1k
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10 Jun 12 #335996 by dan1k
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Can someone please give me some advice...?
I have daughter who turned one last weekend. She was born with a heart condition, despite some complications when she was born, she is now well.
My ex-husband sees her every Sunday, which has been working well for some time and I have always promoted contact. There was, however, a situation last July when my daughter had to be rushed to hospital and we were kept in overnight. When we came home the next morning my husband called and said he wanted us to meet him with his other children for lunch. I explained that my daughter was not well enough having been ill through the night and that we could do it another time when feeling better. He responded by saying he was sick of my games and he was taking me to court for a contact order. I did not hear from him and he did not have contact with her for nearly 4 months.
I text him on two occasions offering for him to see her on his usual Sunday and he answered ''see you in court''.
I received the court order and I contacted his solicitor and said that I have always agreed to the terms. And so court case collapsed and we carried on as before.
The situation I am in now is that I agreed that when my daughter turned one she could stay with him one night a fortnight. Which was due to start this weekend. The weekend before I asked to drop my daughter as I had never been to his address. The contact order states that he picks her up and drops her off, but I explained that in a year I had never been to his home and I want to know where she will be staying. He then said I was breaking the order and he will take me back to court. I drove to his home the following morning and found that he didn''t live there.
I then explained to him that if he gave me his address and I could check where my daughter will be staying then the contact could carry on as before. He has ignored my emails and says he is insistent on taking me to court for the breaking of a contact order by wanting to drop her off instead of him picking her up.
He was due to see her yesterday/today and I haven''t heard anything.
I feel that not only has he broken my trust, but also that I have a right to know where she is staying, especially in light of her young age and her past health problems.
Please can I have some opinions /advice. (Sorry about the length!)

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10 Jun 12 #335997 by WYSPECIAL
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This will sound dreadful as you obviously support contact but you don''t have a right to know where she is staying or where he lives.

He probably knows this and so is playing mind games with you.

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10 Jun 12 #335998 by dan1k
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Thank you for your response.

I can''t believe that I haven''t any rights over knowing where she will be staying or whether the accommodation is appropriate for a baby.

  • jslgb
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10 Jun 12 #335999 by jslgb
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I can totally sympathise with you here! I went through the same with my stbxh husband refusing to tell me his current address. My solicitor has asked out of courtesy several times and been ignored and i think its ridiculous that as the main carer for my daughter (5) i have no right to know where she is!! Ex claims he wont tell me because he thinks i will show up (??) and he will tell me if she starts having overnight contact with him. Funny thing is, i knew the woman hes shacked up with prior to the affair and she told me where she lives! I may not know the number but all it would take would be for me to make the 40 mile round trip to find either one of their cars parked in front of their house! And yet, i havent ''shown up'' at contact yet!!

It must be so much harder for you given your daughters health implications. Has your ex given you a reason not to tell you?

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10 Jun 12 #336002 by dan1k
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Thank you. The reason he wouldn''t tell me is financial. This part of our divorce is ongoing and I suspect it is because he is claiming to be on the verge of bankruptcy and has got a larger home. We had court 2 days after I asked for his correct address and he refused and he was ordered by the judge to disclose (for financial reasons). So now I know where he lives, but he still says he is taking to me court because I broke the order for wanting to drop my daughter to him instead of him picking her up.
I don''t understand, he could''ve seen her this weekend, but won''t and I will have a court order which will collapse again because I agree to it, I just wanted to know where she was staying?

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10 Jun 12 #336006 by jslgb
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Is it just a case of knowing where you daughter is? Do you still want to be responsible for dropping her off? This seems strange too, my ex does nothing but complain about the journey he has to make!!

My opinion is that your doing the right thing. You have justified reasons for wanting to know where your daughter is given her health implications and since this has been disclosed you are happy for contact to resume and in fact progress. The court order will probably collapse as your not restricting contact and your ex will be he one who has missed out. Your daughter will be too young to remember whats happening.

I too have an ex that doesnt make full use of contact and it baffles me too! Some men are a different species!!

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10 Jun 12 #336008 by WYSPECIAL
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So you know where he lives?

If he wants all the expense and hassle of picking up and dropping off let him get on with it.

He can hardly take you to court for offering or wanting to drop her off. If he does he will be wasting a load of money and look a total kn@b.

Does he think you wont find out how big his house is or what the council tax is by googling it?

Sounds like one pathetic man who doesn''t realise how lucky he is to have an ex that actively encourages contact. Lot of blokes would kill for that.

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