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  • fairylandtime
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12 Jun 12 #336352 by fairylandtime
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BC

My x is the same, I now ensure that I can deal with any issues. I know that this is not right, but the fact that x lets children down constantly has no affect whatsoever - aside from me getting more & more frustrated.

In order to ensure my sanity I deal with everything as if x does not exist, even kids don''t ask x for anything anymore as they also know.

Basically some don''t appear to feel that the have any responsibility for their children.

Hard fact of life but I no longer have an issue as I don''t ever expect, anything that is given is a bonus (usually met with cynicism by me until actually happens).

JJx

  • Joe2020
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12 Jun 12 #336356 by Joe2020
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Thankyou Redwine.


Its a shame there are fathers who don''t care.

To try to understand it is to think as they don;t live with their kids,the less they see them the more they drift away, build separate lives, get new partners who take their attention etc.

Maybe as the kids are with mum most of the time they see themselves as a bit of an outsider looking in.

I had my son for a longer period of contact than is usual due to my court order last week and because he''s not used to this he asked to go home to mummy at one point.

How do you think we feel.

  • redwine47
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12 Jun 12 #336361 by redwine47
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Joe Not sure how old ur child is but It must be really hard to be separated from him on a daily basis. I can only imagine how you feel as I miss my boy wen he goes for weekend with stbx. I think your child will take bit of time to get used to changes & missing his mum, but time will sort it out hopefully. Just keep him secure & happy wen with you and he''ll be fine.

I think my stbx in his mind has gd intentions until something better is on offer! From my point of view, I gladly wld have welcomed shared responsibility but know stbx is not reliable eg aggressive temper etc.. for wotever his reasons.

Anyway I''m glad you''re getting more contact. You cld ring or text ur child inbetween ur contact and also let him contact his mum wen with you until he feels secure.

Keep in touch and hope all goes well.
:)

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12 Jun 12 #336362 by fairylandtime
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Joe

I am sure any comments made are not intended to cause offence to those fathers who do fight for / want contact.

Mine weren''t.

My x has all the contact he wants, I will drop off children at any time & ensure that special days are not missed (even went out & bought the FD prezzy etc today - not reciprocated by him with mother''s day) etc etc.

Having said this I am no saint & it did grate buying the stuff tonight!

I have resigned myself to the situation, X wasnt a responsible parent during the marriage so why should things change now? I always have a contingency plan & know not to publicise it if I am due to go out / away to ensure that I get away etc. not bitter about it (most of the time lol) it is just the state of affairs, it is sad but won''t change.

I admit if the shoe was on the other foot & I was not with my kids I would have prob been arrested by now for stalking them lol.

Persevere with your son, & I hope things get better for you soon & I am sure it will, as the RP in my case I take my hat off to you & others & ask that you continue to maintain the contact - children need 2 parents - 2 constants in their lives even when those 2 parents don''t live together it doesn''t matter because you are both there for them.

But you both have to want to & both have to work towards that goal, unfortunately for BC, it appears that like me - it is a one way street with only one constant, harder , sadder but not impossible to manage.

JJx

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12 Jun 12 #336363 by Joe2020
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If my ex was a sweetheart like you two then I wouldn''t be on here.

x

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13 Jun 12 #336377 by blonde cazza
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Hi Joe,
I truly truly wish there were more men like you.
I had solicitors letter one after the one last year asking for this contact,that contact etc etc.I have never stopped my ex having contact infact i have encouraged it.
I have invited my ex for christmas and my sons birthday so he still felt a huge part in his life.
In our statement of arrangements he is fri eve 6pm to sun 9am and two picks up and tea etc etc a week.
He never told his solicitor he cant do it now is claiming his work is the reason but a childs needs should come first.
I work too,i work 20 hrs would love to work more but with speech lessons,hospital apts,normal doc,dentist etc etc and doing school picks up i cant do it!
I would love for my ex to do his proper contat especially as when we split he didnt even tell my son let me to do that dirty work for him.My son is 13...tough time of life as it is without all this too and no matter what my sons says hes still my dad because that lad loves him uconditionally!
I hope that things get better for you joe,bear with your little boy...i know when my lad was little he was a real mummys boy!

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13 Jun 12 #336379 by blonde cazza
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I too have to be like fairyland to go out and buy fathers day present...my son brought his own mothers day card and birthday present for me with his own pocket money my ex didnt help him buy.
Hnads up no matter how he trated me he was always a good dad which is why he leaves me so frustrated tht hes being like this with him now....it also seems to be a control thing and now that the divorce is nearly here he feels he can do what he likes in respect of contact...

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