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forms - what do I need to do

  • survive
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19 Jun 12 #337508 by survive
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Hi wiki''s, after being quiet for quite a while now, I have had to email ex to inform him about severeal things to do with children, that they wouldn''t have got letters for. I also thought I may aswell clarify summer holiday dates. I knew on sending this, that there would be aproblem, there always is, so the knots started to turn in my stomach.

surprise , thereis!!! All the dates I have suggested, as per the court order, he has said they should remain the same as last year and not just follow on from whichever parent has them for the first weekend of the holiday. The court order does not state anything of the sort, and my suggested dates just naturally follow on the pattern we have been sticking to for the last year and a bit. I feel a real battle about to start, as he has already ''told'' me to opposite of what I put and referrred to the court order. I also have looked at the court order, and he is not correct.

There will no reasoning with this control freak, he continually wants to control me, I have this at every holiday, even if it is over who''s house they should be collected or droppoed at. This I don''t mind, as some battles aren''t worth the fight, but the holidays.... this will throw everything out of sinc.

Also, there is a problem with a day the children are allowed to have off school and I was going to do something with them. This would be my contact day. He has stated that he has made plans with the children and I can have them at 3p/m, he has them the night before. I have looked at the court order as this is what he is like, it states that the children are to be with him from school the day before until ''start'' of school the next morning.

Please help, as the date is fast approaching and I know he won''t give in, he seems to want to fight me at every opportunity.

If this needs to go to court, I am a self rep for children, what would I need to do.

I can''t stress enough, that I know he will not negotiate, been there and got the t-shirt.

Thanks and help

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  • jonathancj
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19 Jun 12 #337510 by jonathancj
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If any previous application was resolved by a final order, you''ll need to issue a completely fresh application with a new C100. If your last application its still running, you need to apply for an order within the existing proceedings - I can''t remember the number for that form I''m afraid.

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19 Jun 12 #337516 by dukey
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C79

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19 Jun 12 #337523 by hattiedaw
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Hello survive,
I''m Hattie daws friend, she has financial probs I have "the ex" probs.
Well I have also been there, got the T-shirt, the gold medal AND the certificate!
My ex will go against anything I suggest so if I say the 1st and 3rd weekend of the month he says, no, I''ll have them the 2nd and 4th etc.
I dont think anything can be done to stop a controlling bully but I have managed somewhat to distance myself and laugh at how pathetic he is.
Also, dont give him anything to go off re: personal plans. For example I know that if I ask for the children to be home from contact by 6pm because I''m going out and want to get them into bed etc 1st that he wont have them back til 7.30pm just to scupper my plans...so I keep my mouth shut and he''ll have them back at 5.30pm so he can hurry home to his family!
The best thing I''ve done is to make him see he doesnt bother me in the slightest. There was a time when I''d write a novel as an email trying to explain myself to him. Now it''s a sentance if that. So, like the other day he wrote a long email outlining my shortcomings, my partners shortcomings, his wifes amazing talents etc etc. My reply just stated "I will chat to the children about when they want to see you next". It will have infuriated him that I wasnt rising to his freakish controlling attitude!
Anyway, good luck matey...we stand united!

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19 Jun 12 #337573 by survive
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Thanks for the advice, would you suggest that I proceed with a C79 first, do I get this from the court - it just all seems so pathetic and a waste of time and money for something which shouldn''t be aproblem in the first place. Or should I contact his SOL direct to try and resolve?

What is the wiki people''s opinion of the day whereby he is saying I should have them from 3 p.m, as normally it would be a school day and the children would be at school, therefore with neither of us. The court order states from the evening before after school until the start of school the following morning.

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  • mumtoboys
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19 Jun 12 #337576 by mumtoboys
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are the children going to miss out on something important/big/expensive/unusual....if you give in and do it his way?

He''s a nightmare, survive. I tend to agree with Hattiedaw''s friend that you just have to learn to play him at his own game. Does it matter this time? If it really does matter, then yes, fight for it. If it doesn''t then let it go. Somehow you have to make this easier on yourself - and part of that is going to be letting him get one over on you on a regular basis only it''s not really letting him get one over because you''re letting it happen (double bluff!).

Funnily enough, I dug my heels in for the first time in a long time a couple of weeks ago. I expected a fight. I didn''t get one - my ex accepted it and moved on. I am still sat open mouthed at that one. Maybe he''s finally learning that fighting with me, not being flexible, trying to have the upper hand....only causes him as much stress as it does me?

*picture a pig and his piggy entourage taking off...!*

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19 Jun 12 #337579 by survive
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The exceptional day off, is for the olympics, and the school is giving the children the day off to see the torch. I had managed to take the day off and was looking forward to taking the children - in the grand scheme of things then no, I can ''give in'' on this. However, I do feel that any arrangement for every single holiday etc, gets changed according to him. As I have said, that generally I don''t respond as some things aren''t worth the fight .

But the summer holidays, yes, this should just flow like all the other holidays and keep the rota in sync. I am trying to make plans etc etc. If he changes it so dramtically it will change the whole contact rota that we have been running with.

For him, it is a case of, if I say black then he will say white. This has been going on for 2 1/2 years now and every single thing with him is a problem.

Last week on his contact day, I text him to say I could just drop the children to him, he text back to say he couldn''t have them as he was on his way to hospital... no other explanation, no ''would I be able to have them?'', which of course I did. Eventually later that night I got the children to phone him to see what was wrong, he said he should be home again later, then his phone cut off. Then straight after footy, he called back to say he was home and would be ok for that weekend to have the children (he told all this to the children, not me).

He just expects me to drop everything at a whim and ''do as he says'' - never a thank you, or would you mind.....


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