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Re-Applying - Specific Issue and Shared Residence

  • Mark100
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19 Jun 12 #337517 by Mark100
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Hi All

As many of you know I went through the awful process a few months ago. Anyway things have detrirated so much that I am submitting a new application to the court today:

1. For a specific issue (mother refuses to discuss school choice and has me, my son and the current school concerned).

2. Shared Residence again (it can be done at the same time and I think there is enough evidence to suggest that the order made a few months ago does not work and mother is using the SR as a control mechanism to abuse me and the children).

A problem last time was that my case was heard in the Family Proceedings Court and we think more dcisive action would have been taken had it been heard in front of a Judge in the County Court. I have asked for that this time. Does anybody know the ''chances'' of that happening?

I have also requested that a full CAFCASS report be done as my children''s views are now just cast aside with decisions being made not in their best interests. Will they do a full report?

I understand that I may critcised for going back to court but the Chuildrens Legal Centre advised me that I could not wait any longer as the situation is getting worse not better. I also think somebody needs to stick up for my children and it has to be me.

I would be most grateful of any advice.

Many thanks from Mark

  • Fiona
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19 Jun 12 #337545 by Fiona
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I don''t think you could be expected to wait any longer to sort out the school issue.

Do you mean your ex is using the absence of SR to abuse you and she hasn''t made the children available at the stipulated times, or is the problem she hasn''t agreed to extra contact?

Children''s views may be ascertained with a wishes and feelings report. Their views are important but if I remember correctly your children are too young to fully understand the implications of a decision. Only when there are welfare concerns will CAFCASS do a full report.

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19 Jun 12 #337565 by Mark100
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Hi

Ex is using the fact she has Residency to ''control'' completely. She usually sticks to contact arrangements in the order (but kept my daughter off school sick on my birthday and wouldn''t let me pick her up afterwards in my contact time).

She uses the fact she has Residency to tell the children they don''t have a home with me as ''the judge'' knows best and said it was to be with mummy.

She also won''t agree additional time and I have no control over when my children are invited to parties, e.g. on Sunday they couldn''t attend a party, they were not able to attend their cousin''e party, etc.
I gave her a month''s notice for fathers day and she waited until a few days before and texted ''stick to the contact order''

My son has also been stopped from watching football with me - that''s a big deal to him. If his football trials sit outside of the contact times she makes him wait until about 1 hour before and then says yes or no, depending on how she feels. It''s not exactly letting a young boy prepare for something that he''s a bit nervous about in the ideal way. he''s even stolen her phone and rang me to say that she is arranging other relatives to take him to football and he doesn''t want them to take him, he wants me to.

I have so many more examples, e.g. not letting them use bikes or scooters saying they mustbe kept at ''home'', even hiding school books as that must be done at ''home'', etc.
She is appauling and out of control.

What are you thinking Fiona?

(Having been through this I don''t expect much but I have to try having seen the difference in my kids over the last year).

Thanks from Mark

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19 Jun 12 #337566 by Mark100
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P.s. Will CAFCASS view these things as ''welfare concerns''?

  • Emma8485
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19 Jun 12 #337625 by Emma8485
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I dont want to detail too much, but yes the court and Cafcass can see things that children are told as welfare concerns if they are significant enough to emotionalyl ahrm the child - and we have that in black and white!

Ill pm you
x

  • Fiona
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19 Jun 12 #337626 by Fiona
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It''s for the judge to decide what information they require in the form of reports to assist with making a decision.

I didn''t realize, or I''d forgotten, there was a residence order. It''s an uphill struggle changing a residence order unless there is evidence children aren''t surviving satisfactorily particularly as it hasn''t been in place that long.

Agreeing contact over and above the minimum stipulated in an order is a bit like agreeing child maintenance over and above the CSA rates, they may never happen. Missing the odd day because of sickness isn''t unreasonable, but a pattern of not sticking to the contact order would be.

I''m a bit concerned about it appearing that the children are being enticed with parties and football and your son undermining his mother by going behind her back. It sort of creates the impression that you are doing the fun things and your ex is doing the nuts and bolts of parenting. Longer less frequent periods of defined contact or shared residence might be more settled for the children.

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20 Jun 12 #337950 by Mark100
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Thanks Fiona

I use the Childrens Legal Services helpline a lot and they think that the Residence Order is ''odd'' in that I have contact so much but they have to sleep at mum''s. It''s the hand overs causing a lot of the problems and mother using the Residence Order as a thing of ''power''. They said it was soon but things are clearly getting worse, not better so on that basis I should re-apply to court.

Why does the Residence Order mean she does not have to communicate at all with me?

Just on your latter point - I think it''s obvious that longer periods of time with both of us would be more settling for all, especially the kids. I still pick up most of their homework, football lessons and training and have made an effort with their friends parents at school. That''s why most party invitations come through me (and when they do she gets annoyed and refuses to go).

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

I just want to pick them up from school and drop them back there and have a decent chunk of time and make sure they get a good school and are encouraged with their sports, friendships, etc.

Mark

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