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Moving Away

  • Coolio1973
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19 Jun 12 #337560 by Coolio1973
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Hi,

I am new to this but my question, if anybody can help is this. I am recently divorced and my 2 children reside with me and see there father 2 nights a week. I have a new partner and am contemplating moving in with him which means changing the childrens school and moving them 120 miles away from their dad.

I have tried to speak to their father about this and as you can imagine he isn''t best pleased, but I have tried to explain that I wouldn''t stop him seeing the children, will do everything I possible can to help him see the children and would even do half the journeys to help. Currently he sees the children on a Thursday and Saturday night and every other Sunday daytime. I have suggested that he could have the children every other weekend from Friday to Sunday and I would meet him half way so he doesn''t have to do all the journey.

Also in the school holidays I am quite happy to share with him. The problem is, he works every Saturday and only has every other Sunday off and a day off in the week. I have said that if he had the Friday''s off as his day off he could come down and collect the children that day from school.

I would also be prepared to come up once a month with the children myself on a Saturday so they could stay with him 3 weekends in 4.

Am I being unreasonable? My ex says he will do everything possible to stop this and that he will take it to court. We have no formal arrangement, only an agreed arrangement between the two of us which was confirmed in the divorce papers as both of us agreeing to.

Any help would be much appreciated.

  • rubytuesday
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19 Jun 12 #337574 by rubytuesday
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Welcome to Wikivorce

Why can''t your new partner move in with you, meaning there is little to o disruption for the children in terms of their schooling and thier relationship with their father?

  • Emma8485
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19 Jun 12 #337622 by Emma8485
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My partner moved in with me for that exact reason - not to obstruct my two girls relationship with their dad. He however has a daughter who lives 160 miles away, so not much more distance than you are talking about. He has her now on alternate weekends but as much as we love seeing her, its a long journey each time she does it and can be tiring for her.

That 3 times a weekend offer to me sounds like a lot of travelling - how old are your children?

Could they stay with dad instead and see you at weekends so as not to disrupt their routine and their school?

I guess some of it depends on the length and seriousness of your relationship and whether there is an option for your partner to join you rather than disrupt the kids?

  • Coolio1973
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19 Jun 12 #337684 by Coolio1973
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Thanks for your comments. Firstly my new partner has his own business and it would make it extremely difficult to start it all over again. Secondly the area he lives in is a lot nicer and by the sea and I think it would be a great place for the kids to grow up in.

I think it would be very hard to give my children up and therefore really the only option is to stay where I am (or as my ex told me last night, I can move within half hour away, that''s the limit!). It all seems very unfair particuBarly when he went and had an affair for over a year, hence our divorce.

  • Fiona
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19 Jun 12 #337686 by Fiona
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Another option would be for your ex to consider moving.

  • rubytuesday
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19 Jun 12 #337689 by rubytuesday
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How old are the children, and how do they feel about the pending move?

Thing is, looking at it from your ex''s POV, you have made a decision that will ultimately affect his relationship with his children by deciding to move a long distance away, which will impact on the amount of time that the children can spend with him. In addition it will be very difficult for him to attend school events such at parent''s evening, special assemblies, prize-givings etc, as well as the knowledge that another man will be living with his children and seeing them every day. Meanwhile his contact that is regular and twice or three times a week will be reduced to twice a month.

I can''t see how it is possible for him to have the children every other weekend, given that he works each Saturday? And it might not be possible for him to choose to have every other Friday off. There is also the expense of all that travelling he would need to absorb.

Its not unreasonable for you to want to move on with your life, but all factors need to be considered, which also includes ensuring that the relationship between children and Dad isn''t affected too much and that they are able to enjoy a similar amount or regular contact with him that they currently have.

  • zonked
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19 Jun 12 #337690 by zonked
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Coolio - it seems to me that expecting your children to travel a 240 mile round trip is very unreasonable. You wouldn''t do it, not every other weekend. Do you imagine the journey is easier for children?

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