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Order breached and ex refusing to speak to father

  • C. J.
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20 Jun 12 #337801 by C. J.
Topic started by C. J.
Hi all,

We are in need of some advice.

Following on with my previous posts the ex has underhandedly changed the agreed schedule of dates in order to get future plans with the children to coincide with her designated weekends.

The ex has been unreceptive over this matter and is refusing all forms of contact from my fiance, whether it''s written, text or verbal.

My fiance wrote to the judge requesting an urgent hearing because as of July the dates that were agreed have been changed by the ex and as he can''t get her to communicate with him over this matter he wanted Directions from the judge.

A hearing date has been listed for the beginning of September which is obviously not ideal seeing as though the order has been breached plus communication between parents has broken down.

Can people suggest how best to play this?

Should my fiance still turn up on the dates originally agreed or should my fiance back down and accept what is handed out by the ex between now and September;

or

write a further letter to the judge?

An example is that my fiance was originally due to have them on a particular weekend agreed with the ex, then she changed it to accommodate something she wants to do with them then changes that from the usual Sat - Sun telling him he''ll have to have them Fri night but drop them back Saturday morning as she has plans with them again!

Surely this is not fair??? How can he survive this until September?

  • Emma8485
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20 Jun 12 #337803 by Emma8485
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Hi CJ, sorry this is all still going on!
I cant remember the wording on the order - was it "dates / times to be agreed between the parties"?
xx

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20 Jun 12 #337805 by C. J.
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Hi Emma,

The judge gave the ex the benefit of the doubt and trusted her to agree dates and stick to them, therefore the current order is ''open'' and just states alternate weekends and then the classic line "additional dates to be agreed between both parties", which obviously gives the ex way too much control and allows her to think that contact should be administered at her own discretion to suit herself.

However, when the dates were agreed we sent a copy to the judge just so he knew that dates had been sorted outside in the court waiting room. Coincidentally, my fiance has asked the ex on several occassions to sign the piece of paper listing the agreed dates but she always fobbed him off, obviously for this very reason so that she is not technically committing to anything.

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20 Jun 12 #337814 by Emma8485
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Well, I would argue that "alternating weekends" starts from the moment the order is in force, so for example in my partners case the order was for "alternate weekends commencing with the first weekend following 16th April" (Which was the hearing date) - It follows therefore that any changes to the weekends if they aren''t agreed by both parties would be a breach I imagine. Also for her to "reduce" his weekend to one day is a breach.

If there is no other stipulation as to the amount or duration of holiday time etc then he is stuck with whatever she decides to dish out and I think a more robust order would be what he needs.

I think we got lucky in that once the case was over, my partner wrote to mums solicitor outlining proposals for dates, offering choices as to which weeks they had and they were agreed not long after in writing from her solicitor so he has something signed in case she breaches but to be fair to her she hasnt as yet.

Now that he has a hearing, he can produce the paperwork with the dates on, explain to the court that the disruption caused by constant changes isnt good for the children.

However he may have to just accept what she offers until September - its horrible, and we were in the same boat with no contact offered at all for six months while we waited for that Cafcass report - my heart really goes out to him on this one.

I wonder if a more experienced Wiki could advise on whether a C79 enforcement would be better and speedier?

x

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20 Jun 12 #337815 by pixy
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If she hasn''t signed up to the dates then surely she is likely to argue that they are not agreed at all? Going back to court seems heavy handed unless there is a paper trail showing attempts at agreement, a willingness on both sides to be flexible, and obstruction on her part. With that sort of paper trail and plus evidence that mediation has been offered and refused, he''d be in a much stronger position to convince a judge that his actions are in the best interests of the children and that he returns to court with a heavy heart ...

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20 Jun 12 #337817 by Emma8485
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Pixy said it much better than I managed to!
:)

  • C. J.
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20 Jun 12 #337821 by C. J.
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That would be the logic way of working out alternate weekends and this is how it was originally worked out by fiance, however the ex would then say that he can''t have them on xxx designated weekend as she wants to take them to say a party for example but would give him an alternate weekend instead and then say that the alternate weekends then start from then so as you can appreciate the alternate weekends shift back and forth reguarly dependent on what suits the ex, which obviously prevents us from really knowing what is going on as we never know when the dates are going to move again preventing us from planning things in advance.

The ex goes abroad for 10 nights in August so the designated weekends shift again to enable her to take them.

Pixy, there is a paper trail. My fiance has written to the ex about contact in general offering to accomodate her etc but this is never reciprocated. My fiance has asked for additional contact on several occasions but this has either been ignored or refused without a good enough reason.

A defined order is definitely the way forward in my fiance''s case, which is unfortunate as the ex just doesn''t want to work with him.

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