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What can he do?

  • needingfriends
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21 Jun 12 #338150 by needingfriends
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Hi, our contact arrangements for our kids are currently that they spend alternate weekends with their dad, who is now living with his girlfriend.

This weekend, the kids are with me, but I am going away for the weekend. I have asked a close friend to look after them. I have no concerns about her ability to care for them, as they know her well and are very comfortable with her.

My ex hubby has previously demanded to know who would be caring for our children if they were not with him. I took legal advice and was told that if it was just a couple of days/weekend thing, then I was under no obligation - he has to trust that I will provide safe care for them. If it was for longer periods, I would of course keep him informed.

Now the weekend is looming. Do I send an email now to say this is the where the kids will be (my friend is a neighbour so they aren''t going far and she is sleeping at my house so the kids can sleep in their own beds)? I have an awful fear that he may "kick off" and try to take them away from her this weekend!!! Logically, I don''t think he would want to have them with him all weekend, but he does tend to try to cause trouble if he doesn''t feel he is in control.

Any advice?

  • maisymoos
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21 Jun 12 #338153 by maisymoos
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What you choose do in your time and what he does in his is really not each others business unless the children were not cared for properly. I would not send an email if you think this could stir up trouble you do not have a duty to tell him.

Is a weekend away for you when you have the children a one off?

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21 Jun 12 #338154 by needingfriends
Reply from needingfriends
Absolutely, it''s the first time it''s happened since we split well over a year ago! Thanks for that reply :))

  • jslgb
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21 Jun 12 #338166 by jslgb
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I agree with maisymoos. If he doesnt know anything about the circumstances over the weekend he has no reason to turn up and cause any trouble. He cant do this if he doesnt know! Keep schtum and enjoy your weekend :-D

  • ozzywiz
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21 Jun 12 #338168 by ozzywiz
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I totally agree you should not tell him, even though they are with a sitter they are still in your care and you have assigned somone you trust. you do not owe him an explanation. . .

I remember when I first was a single parent to my 5 kids and I stayed in for about 8 months never went out or used baby sitters untill one saturday night and it was my sisters birthday so we went to town for a few drinks. and just bad luck my ex mother in law was in same pub and she was drunk, she came over to me saying I shouldnt be out and demanded who was watching the kids. I politly told her i do not have to tell her or answer to her. . few hours after I got a call from a distressed baby sitter saying the ex mother in law had been banging on door wanting to know who had kids. I should of phoned police but didnt as just sent her a very stern txt and left it at that as first time. . .

  • happyagain
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21 Jun 12 #338193 by happyagain
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No, you don''t have an obligation to tell him. Or even a moral duty to do so.
However, having been on the other end of this (married to a nrp) we always made it clear to my husbands ex that we would like first refusal on babysitting duties as it were, as any time is precious time when you only get alternate fortnights. Unfortunately she has never taken us up on this:(

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21 Jun 12 #338239 by ozzywiz
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Crazy aint it. Im a res parent of 5 kiddies and got loads of ppl I can ask for babysitting if needed.
this weekend their mum has contact from tomorrow after school till saturday 7pm. im going to a wedding that is till about midnight so i txt the ex and asked if she prefered to return the children to a babysitter at 7 or keep them for an extra night till noon sunday and she chose to have them extra night. its best for the kids. .

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