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About to go to court for first direction

  • chamb7914
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24 Jun 12 #338676 by chamb7914
Topic started by chamb7914
Hello all

This is my first post and I have some worries about the issue of court and subsequent events that may or may not unfold.

I left my wife in April 2010 and moved out of the marital home. We have a beautiful girl together who is now 6 years old who I adore. Originally I spent every weekend with my daughter and had her to start with every weekend (totalling 7 nights every two weeks), this played havoc with work and personal life also. I spoke to my ex and said I wanted alternative weekends but would have her an extra day during the week so then had my daughter overnight 16 nights a month. All was well until I got a job out of the country.
We attempted a reconciliation which last about 3 months then I decided the reasons i left int he first place had not gone away and pulled the plug for good.

Since I have been out of the country I have been accussed of hitting my daughter, not caring all the usual guff, without any substance.

My Ex said I was only allowed to call my daughter twice a week and then this was without warning reduced to nothing for two weeks and then I was ''told'' that I was allowed once a week at a time she decided.

Due to work commitments and the nature of the job I do it has meant that I cannot get to call some nights adn when I get home instead of having a text saying an alternative time to call I get a nasty e-mail stating that I have missed contact and will not be allowed to speak to my daughter again until next week.

I flew back to UK to see my daughter in June and was not allowed and have just been told that becuase the court have set a date which the ex claims clashes with a holiday she had planned I will also not have my daughter in august

My worry is that when I go to court I will be painted out to be a bad father which I am not. Can my ex continue to stop contact with my daughter purely out of malice, although she is trying to be cute and stating that contact is ''on hold'' and has not been stopped!!

Please help, a worred dad.


  • zonked
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24 Jun 12 #338802 by zonked
Reply from zonked
I am sorry to read of your difficulties, it sounds a hellish situation.

Can your ex stop your contact? Well, the present contact is either court ordered or it''s not and there''s your answer.

I think you face two hurdles; the court and the psychology of the ex.

The court stuff is relatively straight forward. The presumption is that your dtr should have contact you. That is clearly to her benefit. Arrangements between the parents have broken down. A court order is clearly needed. You can expect your ex to throw some mud and paint herself as the good guy, but that''s par for the course. You shrug your shoulders, deny allegations, remain calml and keep your arguments focused on the child. If you stick with the legal process, you''re very likely to get a contact order.

You could do worse than googling families need fathers who can provide help through their forums or over the phone.

I think your real problems lie with the ex and countering her wish to alienate you from your child. Forgive me for being frank, but I think that you have a window of perhaps a couple of years to build a bond with your dtr. By the time she reaches 8 the chances of forming a strong attachment will be largely lost.
In the future it will be your daughter that will either demand to see her dad, or, demand not to.
Moving back to the UK and getting regular contact will make all the difference.

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