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A Home Truth for Men...

  • khan72
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24 Jun 12 #338739 by khan72
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Yesterday I had contact with my little girl. 20ish months old. While changing her nappy, she began to count the bows on a kite in the changing room. I was amazed. She could count from 1 to 10. I was so happy.

This is all thanks to my ex. Yes the same ex who is doing everything to make my life a misery is doing something great for my daughter. Truth be told she is doing many things great for my girl.

I sometimes see guys give a one sided story about a mothers behaviour and how she is a bad mother to her kids. We should be very specific in our criticisms and limit it to a particular behaviour.
My ex is a good mother to my girl. I very much appreciate it. Other than me, there is only one other person in this world that would sacrifice themselves unconditionally for my girl....the ex. See them as an asset in some respects.

My ex is only mean in her behaviour to me and my family - no one else. Fine, no parent is perfect and she does have flaws. I know what those flaws are so all I have to do is parent my daughter to address only those few flaws and balance her out. You can actually work together without actually working together. You just need to be smart about it.

A lot of people tell me to get residence. Its because they know i am a good man but its also an "anger" reaction as to how i got treated by the ex. The best way to look at this situation is to ask yourself the question... Would i like to be separated from my mother as a child? The answer will most certainly be a no. So guys, be honest with yourselves. Limit your actions to only those concerning contact. Good honest decent contact.

Of all the decent men I have met who have gone through the same journey, they share one particular experience. Their ex''s have all come back after 4 to 5 years and apologised for their behaviour. Play a smart game. Look at yuorself in the mirror. Are your motives only for contact or to vex your ex? Be patient. Be honest. Be true.

  • ffc1991
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24 Jun 12 #338748 by ffc1991
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As much as i hate my EX partner for what she''s doing to me personally. I will never ever criticise her over how she''s bought our daughter up with me. She''s the most amazing Mum iv''e known which is why it makes it so hard to how she''s been acting. Several people also tell me to fight for sutody and residence and i always reply the exact same. That xxxx Is best of with her Mother and for me to just have regular contact with my Daughter. It''s hard as i will have to travel 400 miles every 2 weeks to see my Daughter but i''m willing to do this and always will.

I do hope like you say that 4-5 years down the line my EX will see what she did was very wrong. But until she''s older and a bit more mature and realizes how her parents are very poisonous that day most like

Edited by Teamwiki to remove identifying details of child

  • Tets
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24 Jun 12 #338750 by Tets
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Great thread khan - well said.

  • Mitchum
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24 Jun 12 #338780 by Mitchum
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Your daughter is very fortunate to have both parents working in unison over her care and upbringing.

It also takes a big person to declare their ex has such admirable qualities. :)

  • hattiedaw
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24 Jun 12 #338785 by hattiedaw
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Fabulous post Khan..what a gentleman!
My friends ex critisises her every move with regards to her parenting and yet she is an amazing mum.
She sacrifices everything for her kids.
Her life revolves around them.
She is also highly qualified in Child Care and has people begging her to look after their kids! Yet, the person who lived with her for 10 years, who watched her tirelessly sew nativity costumes into the early hours, who watched her patiently breast feed when a bottle would have been much easier, who let her fight for the best schools etc etc cant see it!
My 1st husband also thought nothing I did for our son was right yet was happy to just see him every other weekend, leaving him with me the rest of the time...go figure!!

  • stepper
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24 Jun 12 #338789 by stepper
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I agree with all the above posts. After the recent Hearing, my son approached his ex. with a view to working together for the sake of the children.

Today it was agreed that he keep the children for an hour or two longer and then return them to their mum.

I hope this continues because it is certainly an improvement on Court Hearings.

It takes two however and both parents have to rise above the bitterness in the interests of their children.

  • MrsMathsisfun
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24 Jun 12 #338799 by MrsMathsisfun
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Sorry to hijack this tread, but how did your son get on at court Stepper?

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