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1 Hour in contact centre?

  • halfadad
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15 Jul 12 #343192 by halfadad
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Hi ffc

I was looking out for a post for you and am sorry that its not gone as you hoped.

Sadie and uc have it spot on, you need to persevere with this. In a couple of months she can and will have started to recognise you and progress can be made.

When you say she was distressed, what do you mean and was it your decision to cut short the contact at 40mins rather than stick out the whole hour?

  • ffc1991
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15 Jul 12 #343206 by ffc1991
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halfadad wrote:

Hi ffc

I was looking out for a post for you and am sorry that its not gone as you hoped.

Sadie and uc have it spot on, you need to persevere with this. In a couple of months she can and will have started to recognize you and progress can be made.

When you say she was distressed, what do you mean and was it your decision to cut short the contact at 40mins rather than stick out the whole hour?


Hi HalfaDad

It didn''t go really bad if that''s how it comes across. I didn''t really expect alot from it tbh just getting to see my daughter was enough.

Problem I''m having is court is only 1 month away. I''ve made the decision to move to within 30 miles of my daughter before the court date and have handed in my notice at work and currently looking for somewhere to live. Due to me being so close now it''s actually changed my whole perspective and what I want to ask for etc. But after seeing my daughter yesterday for that 40-45 mins made me think a bit more whether I should fight really hard at the first hearing for a few hours? Maybe just get it out of the contact center.

My daughter became very upset, and started crying for Mummy a lot, when she was crawling she crawled to the door and banged on it and called Mummy. She''s only 9 months which makes it so hard. I managed to calm her down by getting my iPhone out and showing her on the camera etc and her reflection etc, but made me feel guilty that what I''m gong to propose maybe isn''t right for my daughter. I just don''t know.

Regarding the 40 mins, it was due to my EX partner being a little late and her having to attend a little meeting before hand. I don''t know why they didn''t let it go on any longer, maybe my EX partner demanded her back or centre policy I don''t know. After seeing my daughter that upset I felt it was just best to not kick up a fuss anyways wouldn''t help my case.

1 thing that confuses me is that in that whole time not 1 person came in the room i was in with my daughter. Surely this will help my case in court? My EX partners whole argument is she just don''t want xxxxxx on her own with me cause she believes i can''t cope. If hopefully in the future i get given the whole hour surely I can then use this to get it outside the contact centre for at least an hour?

Cheers for everyone''s comments.

Edited by Teamwiki to remove identifying details

  • pixy
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15 Jul 12 #343219 by pixy
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8/9 months is when a lot of babies become very clingy - it''s not healthy to encourage it so getting her used to being away from mum and being with you is in her best interests. You will simply have to come up with a range of distraction techniques while she is settling.

  • ffc1991
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31 Jul 12 #346444 by ffc1991
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Had my 2nd session with my daughter Saturday just gone and went a lot better. Decided instead of keeping my daughter in the room with me alone, that I would take her into the room where a lot of the other children were.

Think this settled her a bit more and gave her a few distractions. I do feel like doing it this way may take longer for her to fully adjust to me in a sense but if it makes it less stressfull for her and more enjoyable then that''s the way i''ll play it.

My main concern is that my daughter is still under 1 and the other children are all easily 5 years+. This ofcourse is a huge gap and the other children wern''t as keen on playing with my daughter as she was playing with them. So she was more observing them and waving etc rather than playing with the other children. Just wished they were more her age so she could interact more with them. Which is 1 of my reasons of asking my EX about taking my daughter to a play barn with children more her age, but ofcourse as of yet been unsuccessful.

My ex as agreed in mediation still hasn''t arranged any additional contact out of the contact centre. 1 hour every 2 weeks isn''t sufficent especially with me travelling 400 miles in 1 day to say my daughter which she acknowledged in mediation. However as iv''e fount out in the past her saying sheel do 1 thing and actually doing it are 2 very different things.

Anyways court 2 weeks today even though it''s just a Directions hearing it''s the first step towards me having that relationship back with my daughter that we both deserve :)

  • BoysMum
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31 Jul 12 #346446 by BoysMum
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Hi

I am so glad it went better. The more you see her, the easier it will become, look what you have achieved in 2 sessions :)

Your an inspiration and your commitment to your daughter is commendable.

keep us posted with how the Directions hearing goes ;)

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31 Jul 12 #346451 by jslgb
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Hey ffc,

Good tactic! One on one can be quite intimidating and unsettling for a very young child and by placing her in a busy environment it can be stimulating for her but she will also be aware of your presence and get used to it which is ultimately what you want.

I''m glad your hearing wasnt adjourned as your ex''s solicitor suggested and hopefully something good can come of it!

As for mediation, anyone can say anything they want in that room and not go through with it. When i went for my first and only mediation session with my stbxh i refused to agree to his demands even though the mediator was really pushing me in his favour. I was completely deflated and felt thoroughly bullied when i left and it took my mum quite a while to calm me down. I wasnt even refusing his demands flat out, i was just asking he stuck to a routine for a few weeks so our dtr could settle before we started increasing contact. If i had just agreed in principle in the first place it would have been an all round more pleasant experience!! Theres nothing to ''police'' me over whether i follow through with it. I would use mediation to air grievances and try and build a more amicable relationship with your ex by trying to get her to see your side of things and not rely on contact arrangements made there/ If you have no expectations if she does actually turn round and stick to them it will be a welcome surprise!!

Glad you seem to be getting somewhere!!

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31 Jul 12 #346458 by ffc1991
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Hi jslgb

Thanks yh think it might of been a rookies mistake of getting me in the room with my daughter 1-1 thinking it will make things happen faster. Quickly realised wasn''t best for her. She still appears very clingy and gets upset quite quickly which was strange as she was never like that but I suppose like people have said she''s at that age where sheel be like that.

Regarding the adjourment i''m in a state of confusion atm. After receiving the letter from my EX''s solicitor of requesting the adjournment and attaching the letter that they said they had sent to the court house i rang up the court, and I''m pretty sure when I rang them up the 1st time that they told me they had recieved the letter. This ofcourse prompted me to send in my side of the story requesting it wasn''t adjourned.

Now I have spoke to the court house twice following the first call and have been told that they haven''t received a letter from my EX''s sol. Now I either imagined the first phone call or they''ve made a mistake.

I''m not to sure now what to do regarding this? Do i inform My EX''s sol that the court haven''t received there letter or just leave it?

Part of me feels like that they might of attached the letter that they specifically said they had SENT to see what my reaction was? But i feel i might be thinking of a conspiracy that don''t exist here lol.

ffc

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