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having daughters to stay over

  • hawaythelads
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25 Jun 12 #339106 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads
People say things in the heat of the moment.
I always found it best to try and have a calm chat with the ex after the dust had settled.For instance in my case
Ok in all honesty I quite often listen to a load of old bollox off of her.She''s never in the wrong and when she behaves badly to the kids she''s generally on the phone getting her defense in first telling me what the kids have done wrong to make her behave in that way.
I know if I jump all over her and tell her the truth well your a nutter you always blame everyone else when you behave bad World war 3 would break out and nothing would get achieved.
So generally I listen and give some positive input to try and resolve things between her and the kids.
That''s just my example I''m just saying keep communicating with her try and keep it positive and you''ll get far more out of the situation than an entrenched position.If it comes to that it comes.
But I find in handling an ex misus it''s far better to be the sun shining to make her take her coat off rather than the wind huffing and puffing they just pull the coat tighter.;)
All the best
Pete x

  • craig777
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25 Jun 12 #339114 by craig777
Reply from craig777
BoysMum wrote:


Maybe before considering issuing court proceedings, and firm letter from your solicitor requesting that contact resumes with immediate effect may work?

She hasn''t blocked contact, so i''m not in any panic about it at the moment. I''m still going to my house to see them. I also take them to their ballet lessons twice a week, pop to a supermarket or shop with one or both of them sometimes, so that''s a bit more time with them. It''s all on her terms at the moment mind you. I don''t want to rock the boat, just interested in seeing my daughters regularly, whether for five minutes or a few hours.

She was just having a rant at me because she likes an argument every so often. It''s all just to prove a point that the children belong to her and not me. She has even said in the past the children belong to her not me because she gave birth to them not me! (bit pointless, i know she gave birth to them because i was there on both occasions)

She does tend to speak out of anger alot before thinking. But, she is also very argumentitive and stubborn. So she will try and stick to what she says.

  • PetalsInTheWind
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25 Jun 12 #339117 by PetalsInTheWind
Reply from PetalsInTheWind
It is important that we all remember kids are not possessions but are people in their own right with feelings, thoughts and views. Kids should never be used as a weapon in divorce and their wellbeing should be of utmost importance in all cases. Sounds like she can be a bit argumentative (possibly borne out of her feelings about the split) but she sounds reasonable enough and she is still sensible about you seeing them. Haway had good words of advice. The way I look at it is at least his wife rings him, not his wife rings her solicitor who rings his who rings you.
Communication is important and understanding the exes foibles is so important too. We put up with them when we were married so should aceept them now (except in cases of abuse just to clarify)

  • Gloriasurvive
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25 Jun 12 #339133 by Gloriasurvive
Reply from Gloriasurvive
She could be just feeling a little resentful at times. When one ends a marriage one also forces the left spouse to give up children a few nights ( or whatever arrangement ) a week. The left person did not ask for this awful scenario, ( divorce ). So be patient with her and I''m sure it will sort itself out, make her feel she is in control, just as HRH suggested. Good luck.

  • riseandshine
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26 Jun 12 #339185 by riseandshine
Reply from riseandshine
You haven''t mentioned whether you have a new partner? She seems fine with your contact but not the overnights? Perhaps she just cannot bear to be separated from them overnight?

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