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Shift work and living away

  • Wikisia
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29 Jun 12 #339953 by Wikisia
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Hi there, wonder if there is somebody out there who has a similar situation and can advise. I''m going through a DIY divorce and in general there is no disagreement, it''s all civil and fair. The only problem is with contact with kids, or rather the logistics of it. The soon-to-be ex already lives and works in a different town, about 1.5hrs drive. He works on a 5 week shift pattern, including days, nights, evening and weekends. Most of his days off fall on a weekday, when the kids have school, clubs etc. He''s got a very good relationship with them. At the moment he comes every time he''s off and he wants to be able to continue that when we get through the process, on a basis that I would allow him to stay over for those few days. I have a problem with this because I do not really want him around the house when the kids are at school or in bed. I do not want to limit the kids'' time with their father and I do not mind him there when they''re up, but I''d prefer the rest of the time for myself.
The deal he''s offered, when it comes to the splitting of the possessions and maintenance is a lot to my advantage, because neither of us want to worsen the kids'' situation (I work part time to be able to pick them up from school, we travel a lot, they get the odd treat here and there etc) in any way. He''s playing fair, I have to admit, but I just don''t know what to do with the idea of him spending a few days at my place. I''m sure I''m not the only person in this world with this kind of dilema - so any advice please?

  • Confused67
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29 Jun 12 #339959 by Confused67
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This is a tough one, I must admit.

Although you all seem to get on pretty well after the separation, I do understand why you feel you do not want him around when the kids are in bed.

On the other hand, maybe this is the only solution there is for the children to continue spending some quality time with their father.

Why not try something different, like: You go and sleep at a friend''s house the days he is around, since they are not that many, as I understand. This way he gets to stay with the kids overnight and you don''t have to be around when they are in bed.

Maybe try this for a little while and see how it goes?

  • Wikisia
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01 Jul 12 #340391 by Wikisia
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Thanks, I was thinking this too, the only trouble is that the kids are quite uncomfortable without me at home - they''re pretty young and very much used to me being around because of their father''s shift work, that''s all they know. I do need to start getting them used to being without me for a while, it''s just now it''s not the best time. What doesn''t help is that I have no family anywhere close...

Sounds like a hopeless situation, doesn''t it?Anybody has any idea?

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