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Do we all ways have to dance to her tune?

  • MrsMathsisfun
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29 Jun 12 #339975 by MrsMathsisfun
Topic started by MrsMathsisfun
Having finally got the financial stuff sorted my partner thought his problems with his ex were over but no the problems continue.

Every year my ex and I swap our daughters weekend contact pattern so that the weekends dont always land in the same pattern. Last year my partner asked his ex to also swap, she said no because he hadnt given her enough time for her to change her work pattern as it was fixed for 6 months, so last week he asked if he could change the pattern in 6 months time. She has said no again.

I cant ask my daughters father to stay in the same pattern again, so in the new year we our childrens contact pattern will be out of sync.

We have tried explaining the issue but she just wont listen telling my partner '''' he cant tell her what to do'''' and she isnt changing the pattern because it will affect her social life.

Trying to swap some of the weekends wont happen either because the only time she is prepared to change is when she wants too.

What can we do, do we really have to stay in the same pattern for the next 10 years because she is so unreasonable??

My partner doesnt have a contact order. What would a court say? is my partners request unreasonable?

  • disneybunny
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29 Jun 12 #339987 by disneybunny
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Your contact arrangemens are nothing to do with his ex. She has a set pattern of contact for her child and I see no reason why a court would change it to suit your needs.

  • hawaythelads
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29 Jun 12 #339990 by hawaythelads
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I think you will get on far better just setting the weeks with your ex hubbie to co incide.
Men are far more malleable.
All the best
Pete xx

  • MrsMathsisfun
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29 Jun 12 #340000 by MrsMathsisfun
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Pete
If my ex could stick with the pattern he would but unfortunately because of his work commitments (he is a chef) he cant. My daughter contact is already being affected.

Disney. This isnt about my needs but my partner wanting to make a new family life with his children and mine after his ex had an affair that broke up the marriage.

We dont want a court order but we just wondered if the contact situation disintegrates any further whether a court would agree that our request to swap the contact pattern was reasonable.

Guess until my ex can change his work commitments my daughter will be excluded from my partners children lives.

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30 Jun 12 #340027 by hawaythelads
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I think a court would think it reasonable.
Even more so if it were the mother who was asking for it ;)
Not so sure when it''s the fathers agenda ;)
I thin k you said you have an appalling relationship with this woman.I would think all you can do is apply for an alteration to the contact order.
She''ll block it voluntarily just to feck you two up.
All the best
Pete xx

  • mumtoboys
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30 Jun 12 #340031 by mumtoboys
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MathisFun wrote:

Pete
If my ex could stick with the pattern he would but unfortunately because of his work commitments (he is a chef) he cant. My daughter contact is already being affected.

Disney. This isnt about my needs but my partner wanting to make a new family life with his children and mine after his ex had an affair that broke up the marriage.

We dont want a court order but we just wondered if the contact situation disintegrates any further whether a court would agree that our request to swap the contact pattern was reasonable.

Guess until my ex can change his work commitments my daughter will be excluded from my partners children lives.


It''s not an unreasonable request, I agree. However, you really have no idea of what kind of commitments the ex may have, what she may have committed to in advance etc. etc. It really has nothing at all to do with who broke up the relationship and why.

I rely heavily on our pattern of contact continuing as is and make plans on that basis. I wouldn''t take kindly to the ex wanting to change it and it would mess things up for me.

I have no idea how a court would view it. Bit 6 of one, half a dozen of the other?

  • rubytuesday
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30 Jun 12 #340035 by rubytuesday
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my daughter will be excluded from my partners children lives.


Contact isn''t for the benefit of other people''s children its for the benefit of the children and their parent.

What you are asking is that your partner''s ex should change already tenuous contact arrangements to fit in with your own contact arrangements - I don''t see how that is fair, sorry.

Its always difficult juggling all these arrangements when two halves of a family come together and try to make one whole one. While there does need to be a degree of flexibility, its not possible to expect everyone involved to change to suit the requirements of one party. Sometimes we just have to grin and bear it, and get on with what we have, rather than seeking to change other people''s arrangements. It''s not great, but its part of family life after divorce.

Mum2boys is right, it doesn''t matter who left or who did what to the other parent, and its now historical anyway.

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