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Contact and Child maintenance

  • Reddit
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04 Jul 12 #341057 by Reddit
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It is true that there isn''t an effective sanction against uncooperative RPs. As has been stated, the primary concern is the welfare of the children. Inevitably this is tied to child maintenance.
I am an NRP paying more than CSA minimum and I am p!ssed off because my X will not play fair with contact. Frankly there is nothing that can be done about this. I love my kids and it is heartbreaking for me that I do not see them very much. I would feel worse if they went without because I was trying to get even with the X Witch.
As it stands the law separates maintenance and contact. Perhaps it should not but I''ll be darned if I can see an effective alternative to the present arrangement.

  • DrDaddy
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04 Jul 12 #341072 by DrDaddy
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mumtoboys wrote:

Adeolu,
do you have children yourself?


Mumtoboys - in your previous post you describe not being able to see your children as a "headache"? As a mother, how would you feel if you could not see your children for weeks or months?

Why do RPs constantly downplay and marginalise the role and feelings of fathers? The overwhelming message in this thread is that a couple of hundred quid is more important to a child''s wellbeing than having a dad.

Patronising Adelou, and downplaying the distress that his partner is suffering, just goes to demonstrate that that being a parent doesn''t give you the moral high-ground.

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04 Jul 12 #341079 by Fiona
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I don''t think anyone is implying that a couple of hundred quid is more important than a Dad, rather that withholding contact and child support are equally damaging to children. Two wrongs don''t make it right.

  • MinnieM
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04 Jul 12 #341084 by MinnieM
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Hi guys and thanks for all your posts. I understand this is a highly emotive and controversial issue,however,i think it''s time to rock the boat,challenge the status-quo and think outside the box.

Firstly, a deserving parent''s right to see their child is just that; a right. And if the RP decides to take away that right for NO GOOD REASON, then they are also relieving the NRP of their parental duties,because rights and duties/responsibilities go hand in hand.

At the moment,it IS just too easy for vindictive RPs to stop contact! It is.We can''t shy away from that truth. I''m not talking about RPs with genuine concerns here,such as DV,Drug Abuse,emotional abuse etc.

And it is detrimental to the child''s well-being if research is anything to go by.rubytuesday put up a post about this and the list of harmful things that can happen to a child who has suffered this sort of abuse is scary. So,in the same vein as saying:''don''t take food away from the table'', what about RPs doing this being told:''don''t scar your child for life by witholding contact?'' It is detrimental to a child(esp those too young to understand)why sometimes she sees the NRP,and sometimes she doesn''t.


as with all legislation,if the two were tied together,there will be checks and balances put in place.Thus,the NRP will not be able to stop financial support on a whim(which is exactly what some RPs are doing with contact).Also, there will be trigger points whereby the RP will receive a couple of warnings before the support is actually cut off.

and like some of the posts here have confirmed,there is no deterrent at the moment that stops the RPs that behave this way. Maybe another way would be for RPs to be required to go to court to STOP contact;so if they feel there is the need to,then the court would have to look at the evidence and either grant or deny the application.at the moment,contact is stopped if the NRP as much as sneezes a certain way the RP is not happy about.

Finally,to answer some questions,Mumtoboys,yes i have two beautiful boys(so am mumtoboys like ya!);)
BoysMum,He is supporting the kid.He has never stopped. But to let you in on a secret,social workers feel this way too.at a social service meeting they had 3 years ago,the chair of the meeting told ex that if she were my partner,she would not pay support if ex witheld contact.so i and drdaddy are not the only ones who feel this way.also,you seem to make many assumptions about this post;for instance you said the ex and my partner ''made a commitment to have a child''.actually,they didn''t,she did.Also,you say she is not eating her cake and having it.How is she not doing that?
Dizzybee,not sure if they''ve ever tried mediation.

And Fiona darling,it''s been ages!How u been? you are right two wrongs don''t make a right,but take away the first wrong and then all should be well.:)

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04 Jul 12 #341087 by jslgb
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I have stopped my ex from having contact on occasion before now for numerous reasons and often ending up with the police involved. Should he stop supporting my daughter? And by support i mean the measly amount he pays when he feels like it because he lies about his jobs.

And yes, we only have one side to it and there are often at least 3 sides to every story: the mans, the womans and the truth.

My stbxh has been with OW for 20+ months and i can guarantee he doesnt tell her everything. In fact i have overheard him lying to her about what has happened at my door before now and she is none the wiser. Knowing how my stbxh antagonises me i am beginning to understand why his first wife always appeared to be so unreasonable and bitter!!

In a simple world parents should share their children amicably - be it time or financial support. (10% from the csa? What a joke, i used to have 100% of sbxh wages coming into our household, what good is 10%??) Unfortunately, we dont live in a simple world.

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04 Jul 12 #341090 by mumtoboys
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DrDaddy wrote:

mumtoboys wrote:

Adeolu,
do you have children yourself?


Mumtoboys - in your previous post you describe not being able to see your children as a "headache"? As a mother, how would you feel if you could not see your children for weeks or months?

Patronising Adelou, and downplaying the distress that his partner is suffering, just goes to demonstrate that that being a parent doesn''t give you the moral high-ground.


I haven''t made any comments on this thread other than to ask Adeolou whether or not she has children. I certainly haven''t downplayed not seeing children as a ''headache''. As a separated mother, there are times when I don''t see my children for a week or so at a time because they are on holiday with my ex. Do I like it? No. But that''s part of being a separated parent and there''s nothing I can do about it. I don''t believe I have said anything at all that is patronising, nor have I suggested that I hold the moral highground - I simply asked a question?!

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04 Jul 12 #341094 by JamesLondon
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Yes the blocking of contact by Resident parents often amounts to child abuse.

Different governments and the legal profession seem loathed to change this injustice.

The only option left open to Non resident parents is to resist the Resident parent and legal system where ever you can.

Refuse CAFCASS interviews, refuse supervised access, refuse to pay maintenance and child support and use court hearings as a platform to criticise the Judge and other legal professionals.

Go out and protest and tell as many people that you can about court injustice. Do not just accept court sanctioned child abuse. Fight it.

Equality in the family courts is a basic right and would actually see the courts acting in the best interests of the children.

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