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Contact and Child maintenance

  • Fiona
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05 Jul 12 #341378 by Fiona
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Forseti wrote;

CAFCASS state that in that year they looked after 43,759 children involved in private law cases which represented about 95% of the total, so the total would have been about 46,000.


Maybe I''m missing something but the way I''m reading that 95% could relate to the total number of children CAFCASS are involved with (i.e. private + public cases) rather than the total number of private cases??? :S

I am struggling financially, but I can confirm that while financial worries are a headache, not seeing your child and believing you will never see him again is infinitely worse - the two are not even in the same ballpark.

It''s very sad that not everyone can see themselves in someone else''s shoes.

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05 Jul 12 #341425 by DrDaddy
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Fiona wrote:

I''m not sure where a million people come from... Without good unbiased research and evaluation anecdotes are uncorroborated and unverifiable.

Government consultations... produce misleading results and shallow qualitative information or are unrepresentative.


Hi Fiona- I did say "IF a million people..." in order to illustrate a point that legislation can and is driven by public opinion (governments care about votes, of course). I am not claiming that there actually are a actually a million people dissatisfied with the operation of the family courts (though there may be). I suspect, actually, that you know this, and are deflecting from the core points in my post - but never mind - I am not having a go at you, I''m just genuinely interested in debating this topic.

So, back to my original point - I don''t think that you need to do research to know whether something is morally right or wrong. If you are convinced by the ability of research to solve these issues, then could you propose an experimental methodology that would would provide *conclusive* results regarding, for example, the benefits of shared parenting?

You are also making some fairly damning comments on consultations - could you substantiate the claim that they are unrepresentative, for example?

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05 Jul 12 #341426 by DrDaddy
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sillywoman wrote:

if (on the assumption I am not dead) there comes a time when the ex does wish to reconnect with our daughters, I have a horrible feeling that our daughters will tell him where to get off.


I hope not. It seems like our sense of self worth and well-being is connected with an idea of identity that we derive from our parents. If you are not at peace with your parents, then you are not at peace with yourself. So I hope that they do find a happy conclusion with him, somewhere down the line.

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06 Jul 12 #341428 by sillywoman
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Drdaddy, my ex has an awful lot of "issues" which I (used to) explain to our daughters, particularly one who said "why doesn''t dad want to see us".

I agree with the identity issue and so I would say that he loved them very very much and it was nothing to do with them, but the "issues" he needed to sort his head out with.

They seem okay and happy and all doing well, youngest just had her prom and looked a delight, oldest just got 2.1 in her degree and middly just finished her first year at uni and got a First so as I say all doing well.

I will always do my very very best to ensure that the girls never think their father and the things he has done are anything to do with them.

However, it has now got to the point that I must stop worrying so much about the girls and get on with my own life, because them seeing me happy and well will be good for them.

In fact I am going away tomorrow for a week and I think the girls are happy about this. It is important for them to see that a woman no matter how mistreated by a man (or vice versa) can turn the corner and be a happy person.

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06 Jul 12 #341615 by DrDaddy
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sillywoman wrote:

Drdaddy, my ex has an awful lot of "issues" which I (used to) explain to our daughters, particularly one who said "why doesn''t dad want to see us".

I agree with the identity issue and so I would say that he loved them very very much and it was nothing to do with them, but the "issues" he needed to sort his head out with.

They seem okay and happy and all doing well, youngest just had her prom and looked a delight, oldest just got 2.1 in her degree and middly just finished her first year at uni and got a First so as I say all doing well.

I will always do my very very best to ensure that the girls never think their father and the things he has done are anything to do with them.

However, it has now got to the point that I must stop worrying so much about the girls and get on with my own life, because them seeing me happy and well will be good for them.

In fact I am going away tomorrow for a week and I think the girls are happy about this. It is important for them to see that a woman no matter how mistreated by a man (or vice versa) can turn the corner and be a happy person.


I really couldn''t take isue with anything you''ve said here. I''m still not sure about forcing contact - it just seems like it could backfire badly.

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09 Jul 12 #342035 by Joe2020
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Adeolu wrote:

Why should a parent pay for a child he/she is being denied contact with?


They shouldn''t.Simple.

As has been said you wouldn''t have so many mothers denying contact if that was the case.

The fact a parent must pay maintenance yet can still be denied any contact pretty much sums up what a farce of a system we have.

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09 Jul 12 #342037 by Joe2020
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Adeolu wrote:

.
Firstly, a deserving parent''s right to see their child is just that; a right. And if the RP decides to take away that right for NO GOOD REASON, then they are also relieving the NRP of their parental duties,because rights and duties/responsibilities go hand in hand.


More importantly it is the right of the child to see both parents.

Too much focus is on the NRP who is denied contact.Too much focus is on the right for the NRP to see his/her children.
What about the rights of the children.It is normally down to the NRP to fight on their behalf because they are the only ones who care and there is no-one else to do it.

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