Contact and Child maintenance

Adeolu,

I agree, from what I have read, contact orders/enforcement ect can be a headache. I have never been in the situation myself, but I do sympathize with anyone who has. Putting stronger deterrents in place is all well and good, but not by taking food from a child''s mouth, or clothes from their back.

Your partner certainly seems to have had his fair share of problems regarding contact But, he has to be the better person. First and foremost, financially support the child.

My ex has no contact with our children, his choice. He also doesn''t pay any maintenance. I know how hard and expensive it is to raise children on your own. Me and my ex made the commitment to have children, why should they suffer because he cannot stand by his commitment as a parent.

My ex has no contact with our 3 girls - 21, 19 and 16. They are at the age where they NEED a father, but unfortunately (for them and one day for him) he puts me and the girls into one bracket, i.e. he cant separate a relationship between me and him with a relationship between him and our girls.

He would rather not pay maintenance and now only has to pay for one, but because of the CSA (thank God) I do get maintenance for our youngest and believe me it is well needed.

What about fathers (like my girls) who do not see their children. Should the courts force them to?

Adeolu,
do you have children yourself?

Myself and Sillywoman both know the implications of struggling financially to raise children alone.

You have to separate finances and his contact problems.

At the end of the day, your partner and his ex, have a child together. They made a commitment to each other to bring a child into this world, and it is their joint responsibility to for fill their commitment to that child. Your partners ex isn''t having her cake and eating it. It is, and will be for a long time, their joint responsibility to financially support their child.

You say your partner has been in and out of court for the last 4 years and 3 times in the last 10 months regarding contact. That would indicate that he is showing a great deal of commitment and wants to be in the child''s life, hence why he has fought so hard. He clearly loves his child, and is fighting tooth and nail for contact.

What are your partners opinions on paying maintenance for his child?

The saying "love your child more than you hate your ex" applies here.

It seems your partners ex fits into the above, as does my ex partner.

Hopefully, one day they will both see sense.

I am sorry but I have to side with Adelou in some of the points she is making.

And to explain myself, I do not think that contact and child payments are any way or should be related, it is just that since the father is perceived to be such a scum and unworthy of contact with his own children, then why doesn''t the mother refuse his money on the same premise of refusing contact?

I am paying more than I have to each month to make sure my children have a good living while my ex does not work and also uses part of this money to support her BF who is ''poor''. At the same time she goes out and says she will NEVER see me as a father, I have NO RIGHTS since i moved out of the house and she has cost me additional thousands for having to take her to court to insure reasonable contact.

How is this moraly acceptable? Forget the law. If she thinks I am such a *****, she should get her butt off the couch/PC and go get herself a job that will give her TWICE the amount I am paying and give HER OWN KIDS a better life!

So, I am not a father according to her to choose scool, visit them, take them home to me but I am a father when the payments are due, huh?