A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Mon/Fri 9am-6pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-6pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Sports Day ''SuperDad'' Bullying worry/rant..

  • strongerthanithought
  • strongerthanithought's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
04 Jul 12 #340982 by strongerthanithought
Topic started by strongerthanithought
Good Morning all!
I''ve been awake most of the night after a phone call from the STBX last night announcing that he''s coming to sports Day today. Wouldn''t be a problem if he had regular contact both pysically and on the phone etc, but he''s only seen the kids twice this year, rings at most fortnightly, and didn''t even have the decency to let me know that he wasn''t having them last weekend.
He put me on the spot last night; there is nothing I could have said that would stop him from making the 300-mile round trip.

To add to the worry, yesterday was the deadline given to his sol from mine to acknowledge they are still being instructed by him (I finally got Legal Aid funding for finances, after 3 years rumbling on we decided to take a stand and proceed with applying for AR). Has his sol told him (whether they''re representing him or not) that he needs to get a sol near to where I live if it''s going to court? (I''m thinking fees for a sol attending court 150 miles away). He told me he''s got ''business'' to attend to here hence the urgent visit - he has NO contacts here at all...??

I agreed to him coming to school and taking the kids out for tea - against my better judgement - but its not worth the showdown at school if he turns up and I don''t want it to get nasty.

He still will not commit to tell me if he''s having the kids the next 2 scheduled weekends. I''m getting to the point of telling him (and the kids)that I will assume he''s not having them unless he confirms 2 weeks in advance.

The ironic thing is, this time last year he made me take him to court to take the kids on holiday - of course I wiped the floor with him and was even awarded a residence order for my trouble.

I''m thinking worst-case-scenario with him taking the kids out for tea after school...

Also he casually dropped in to the conversation that he might ''call in'' on my Dad whilst he''s here; my dad tells me that he will allow him to visit for a cuppa - how can I demonstrate to him how betrayed I would feel if he hosted this bully who has been controlling our lives so long?

Anyway, got to go and make myself beautiful ready for Sports Day Yummy Mummy brigade. Just to deal with the bags under my eyes first... ;-)

Sorry for the rant, thanks for reading this far!

Hope it bl**dy rains all day so that sports day is cancelled!!

  • hawaythelads
  • hawaythelads's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
More
04 Jul 12 #340984 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads
Just roll with it.
He won''t kick off at a school sports day.
Control freak nutters don''t like to look bad in public.They do all their nasty shxt behind closed doors.
The harridan certainly does anyway.
Don''t respond to him pushing your buttons if he does have a cup of tea at your Dad''s.
Poor old sod would''ve been put right on the spot.It''s not like he''s inviting him there.
IF your ex does show up there it''s with one purpose to cause a falling out between you and your Dad so IF it does happen don''t give him the satisfaction of achieving his goal.
I remember the harridan waltzing into a sports day with Bazza in tow a year on from our separation they actually made a late entry an all so everyone clocked them walking hand in hand across the field together.
I had to give it to them for a "couple of cxxxx" they are that was a beautifully stage managed performance designed to exact ultimate humiliation on the father of her kids.
But what could I do.
Well actually what I did do I turned to my mate standing next to me and said look at them "look at them pair of xxxxx fecking woman has got no shame"
My mate said fecking bang out of order.
Then I got on with watching my daughter throw some bean bag in a bucket about 2 foot away and still managing to miss it.No coordination whatsoever poor gal.You know one of these PC non competitive sports day type malarkeys where nobodys a loser because it might emotionally scar them for life.
Anyway I digress the point is I attended every mind numbingly boring sports day for the next 5 years after that because I was there for my daughter.Bazza the harridans beau never attended another one ever again.The harridan for the last two never made it either work commitments apparently.
You tough people out in life.You do what''s right and be consistent and you don''t let any of their nasty underhand tactics stop you from doing whats right.
All the best
Pete xx

  • sim5355
  • sim5355's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
04 Jul 12 #340985 by sim5355
Reply from sim5355
Go on girl! head held high you are the better person.

  • sexysadie
  • sexysadie's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
04 Jul 12 #340988 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
Haway is right: roll with it. You are the person who lives locally and knows the other parents, not him. He is just trying to upset you - don''t let him.

And don''t let him get between you and your dad. Haway is right: he''s doing it deliberately and has put your dad on the spot. If you don''t let him see it upsets you he won''t bother again.

And worst case scenario? Don''t forget that you have a residence order.

The best way to deal with bullies like this is to ignore them. If he wants to come 300 miles just to upset you then more fool him.

Best wishes,
Sadie

  • strongerthanithought
  • strongerthanithought's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
04 Jul 12 #341195 by strongerthanithought
Reply from strongerthanithought
Thanks guys!

Haway you were right - he turned up with his new ladyfriend, dressed to the nines, stood in the drizzle for 2 1/2 hours looking really awkward while I was with lots of friends who rallied round me!

The drizzle did little for my Yummy Mummy look however!!

Kids went for tea, had a play in the park and buckets of sweets. Nothing special.

Tomorrow he wants to take the kids to school; betcha he''s late for the 25 minute walk (??? even I drive most days!!) and the route by foot is via alleys and back streets. Wonder what time school will call me to find out where they are?

He''s staying locally in the Travelodge, will find out if he''s popping in for that cuppa at my Dads.

Funny how he can drive 300 miles at the drop of a hat but not commit to seeing the kids for months on end?!

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11