A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

So annoyed re Summer Holiday contact

  • redwine47
  • redwine47's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
04 Jul 12 #341095 by redwine47
Topic started by redwine47
Arrangements are STBX is supposed to have contact every other weekend and extra dates over the summer. He gets six weeks off during July/August.

Every year after advance requests to him I receive a last minute ....message stating he will "be unavailable" on XYZ dates during the summer as he has booked trips, holidays during his contact time.

I do not mind being flexible with dates & would accommodate(if suits)...... What really annoys me is that he has never had the decency to actually ''ask me to cover his contact time'' or ''if I have arrangements''. I''m just told he''s not available and thats that!

BTW he hardly ever has covered for me when asked, once when I had to go into hospital and another re an overnite work commitment to which he refused onboth occasions. Oh yes I forgot, he did cover once when my mother died (on my contact weekend) but stressed he had rearrange his schedule to do so. I had cover the next two weekends to make up for it.

Am I expected to change my arrangements again..... Feel like a mug being walked over.:angry::angry:

  • MrsMathsisfun
  • MrsMathsisfun's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
04 Jul 12 #341100 by MrsMathsisfun
Reply from MrsMathsisfun
We have the opposite problem with my partners ex. My partner is the one trying to make the arrangement and the ex is the one telling us last minute x and y.

As you say its down to communication and the way your asked.

Really would appreciate an insight to what language to use.

If my partner says he is unavaliable, she has a head fit, telling him, she wont be dicated to but If we make the request with would you mind etc, the answer is still no.

We are trying to make changes in a year in advance and we are being told we should plan our lives around her children. Sadly I can''t rearrange my family significate birthdays to fall into her contact pattern.

  • NewHorizons
  • NewHorizons's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
04 Jul 12 #341128 by NewHorizons
Reply from NewHorizons
My ex often did this (its coming up to 5 years since he last had overnight contact).

I did say it was inconvenient when he asked to cancel a contact weekend he refused and asked for my understanding. When I expressed my um, disappointment he asked me to not be like that.

I have to say he did win, and I did give up on arranging anything in the way of a social life.

I''m sorry you''re facing this frustration though.

  • positive99
  • positive99's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
04 Jul 12 #341156 by positive99
Reply from positive99
Well it sounds like there are a few of them about.
My ex has stated he will not have the children at all during the summer holidays until things change in our divorce situation.
He won''t give specific examples but I am led to believe until he gets money out of the sale of our house he refuses to look after his own children.
I should not be surprised really, he hasn''t looked after them for any school holidays since the split in April 2011!

  • strongerthanithought
  • strongerthanithought's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
04 Jul 12 #341166 by strongerthanithought
Reply from strongerthanithought
I see your April 2011 and raise you October 2010


Sorry, not much advice to the OP, other than try and rise above it; there is some reward in always being the one to have to change your plans. and the kids will eventually realise what''s going on. Mine don''t even ask anymore when their contact is..

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11