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contact changes ..ex filed court papers

  • runningmum
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06 Jul 12 #341435 by runningmum
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hi
Just need some advice really ...have been divorced for 5 years and ex has and always has had contact from day one . our son is 8 now and although it has been an bit of a bumpy few years ,lately things are a lot calmer regards contact .Ex has everyother weekend consisiting of pick up from school friday afternoon until monday eve when son is brought back at 6 . In addition ex picks up son on alternate mondays after school for tea and brings back about 7 .We share school holidays 50/50 (give or take a day or two )and significant date eg mothers /fathers day is spent with respective parent regardless of which weekend it falls . Bank holidays are spent with the parent whos weekend has just preceded it .A few weeks ago ex said he wanted more contact ie a weekday overnight stay as well as arrangements already in place ....for many reasons to numerous to go into i genuinaly dont htink its a good idea at the mo but as son gets older maybe into secondary school then i am fully prepared for contact to change .Ex wanted mediation but as i am not entitled to any help financially cant afford the £100 an hour !He has now applied to the court through his solicitor for this extra night midweek ...my question is what happens now? Really dont want to put son through court etc but equally really believe that things are ok as they are at the mo and son has just had a really good school report after a difficult couple of years and would like that to continue !

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06 Jul 12 #341441 by jonathancj
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What reason does he give for the change? I can see the potential benefit of a weekend starting on Friday night instead of Saturday morning but he''s already got this. I struggle to see how your soon will be better off as a result of the proposed change and that''s the only reason to make a change.

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06 Jul 12 #341524 by runningmum
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He just says that he wants more time with him and thats what our son wants as well. Didnt think it appropriate to quizz son about it but he seems happy and settled as he knows when his weekends are with his dad and he is able to txt him and his dad writes to him as well.
I just wanted to know what the process is likely to be now he has submitted papers to the court for an increase in contact ...I have never stopped him from seeing our son and rarely change days or weekends but do feel quite strongly about this .

  • Rumplestiltsk1n
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06 Jul 12 #341535 by Rumplestiltsk1n
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i can see it from his point of view being a father in the same position. He drops the son off on a monday evening and then has to wait until the following monday until he sees him again and then only for a few hours. I would struggle with this too. Have you thought about thursday night to monday morning on week one then maybe introduce after school thursday for an overnight stay and the following monday for a few hours after school. This would mean that your son would only be going 3-4 days without seeing his dad.

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08 Jul 12 #341839 by runningmum
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Something will have to be arranged and the thursday night option could be something to think about .....it''s just when son goes back to school in september swimming and cubs/scouts will be on the after school agenda ( determined that he will learn to swim !) and if ex could be relied on to take him to after school activities then it could be possible ...oh and getting him to school on time would be a bonus ! Things have been so much better the last year or so with school being the biggest improvment ...if its not broke dont fix it springs to mind .....the only one unhappy is ex ....son is settled and happy (most of the time :)) and thats the main thing surely ?

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08 Jul 12 #341850 by stepper
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I hope everything works out for you all runningmum. You sound a very reasonable mum who wants to do what is best for your son. I admire your willingness to work things through with your ex. and compromise.

If you can do this to everyone''s satisfaction it is far better than going through the Courts. Court applications should be the last resort.

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08 Jul 12 #341859 by Rumplestiltsk1n
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you can but try? maybe a way of changing it a bit could be to suggest to him that you can try something but try it over a month or two to see how it goes. you could both discuss after that and see if you both feel it is working and if your son is coping well with it. i admire what you are trying to do. if only my ex was more like you. she reduced the time the children (2 boys of 10 and 11)saw me because she thought she could simply because she was their mum. She then told me i would have to take her to court if i didnt like it. I did, the kids said they wanted to see us both equally in the wishes and feelings report, she still fought it, and in the end i obtained shared residence where i have the children for about 47% of the year. Now i am at the stage where i have been asking her to have the kids for half of all school holidays, but she is refusing that too. I fear that i may have to return to court as a variation to the order purely to ask for half of all school holidays. If she was more like you, I probably wouldnt have to do this. I think the reason she is refusing it is because a concession on this would result in an equal division of time and a so-called loss of control and power for her :-(

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