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more overnights- collecting children from school?

  • sallyc
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08 Jul 12 #341959 by sallyc
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hopefully i''m posting in the right place, please bear with me as it''s been a while since i lasted posted :unsure:

basically, my divorce has now come through and i''m living happily with my daughter who has 2 overnight stays with her dad a week. he has now said that he''d like to increase this to 3 overnights with the extra overnight during the week. our daughter would be happy with this arrangement so i am happy to go along with this.

he has stated that he will be reducing the amount of CSM that he pays each week to reflect this which i have no problem with. however, i am going to need to make the money up from somewhere as i am financially stretched at the moment as it is. i work part-time 5 days a week, finishing work every day in time to collect our dd from school. i have asked him if he would be able to take advantage of his flexi-time at work to finish early once or twice a week to collect our dd from school on his overnights so that i can increase my hours in work on those days. he has refused. i then asked him if he would be willing to pay towards the cost of after school care for this one or two days per week (our school ''stay and play'' is EXPENSIVE) and again he has refused.

so what can i do? nothing? like i say, i have no issues with the csm payments being reduced but it seems unfair that i have to continue to sacrifice my earning potential while he effectively calls all the shots. as it is, he regularly (and at short notice) changes our dd overnight stays to suit himself (he has quite the social life) so i just feel at a loss. i seem to be meeting his every request for the sake of our daughter seeing him but he won''t entertain doing anything that he considers would help me out.

any advice, words of wisdom at all? please?

  • hawaythelads
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08 Jul 12 #341972 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads
Tell him if he can''t play ball on picking her up then It won''t happen.
Make it a Friday or Sunday night attached on the weekend once every other week.
All the best
Pete x

  • Lostboy67
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08 Jul 12 #341986 by Lostboy67
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For the nights he has your daughter overnight he should be paying the after-school club.


  • Emma8485
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08 Jul 12 #341989 by Emma8485
Reply from Emma8485
My ex has a mid week, then two the following week and because he works either his mum collects the kids from school or I book the regular childminder for him, but he pays for it.

Its only fair if he is having the child that he either collects from school or pays for childcare.

Alternatively as Pete said, make it a weekend instead where you wont incur costs.


  • sallyc
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08 Jul 12 #341993 by sallyc
Reply from sallyc
thanks for the replies- it''s nice to feel that i''m not being the unreasonable witch that the ex insists that i am!

he insists though that he doesn''t want any more weekend overnights than he already has (one each weekend- again his choice) so any extra stays would *have* to be mid week. i really don''t want to refuse the extra night because i don''t want to spite our daughter :(mind you, this is the second time that he''s said that he wants an extra overnight: the last time he did he decided that he didn''t have the time to look after her after all so perhaps this latest request will die a death as well. will have to see how things go, i guess.

gaaar, i thought life would be easier post-divorce :S

  • Mark100
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09 Jul 12 #342012 by Mark100
Reply from Mark100
I wish my ex wife was like you!

  • maisymoos
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09 Jul 12 #342032 by maisymoos
Reply from maisymoos
It sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it. I agree with the others if he wants the weekday overnight he needs to sort out after school pick-up/care. He is quite happy to reduce your CM so should have the extra pennies to pay for care!

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