I''d really appreciate some advice on my solisitors suggestions....
Ive come from an abusive relationship - verbal, emotional, aggresstion which stopped short of physically harming the children.
Now, she did suggest a non-molestation order, but I fairly decided against that as I''m not worried for myself and since he stopped seeing the children it''s only texts, and I can ignore those.
She suggested a residence order, which l from what I can see only means I am allowed to take them out of the country without his permission. I have no intention of going abroad with them, I can''t afford it at the moment, we have no family overseas and if it came to it and he refused me permission I can make happy memorable holidays in the uk until they are 18. So what is the point to a residency order? I am expecting ex to make a contact application any way (I''m am insisting handover at contact centre for older one and supported contact for baby, he wants to collect directly from me) so if he made a contact order, would residency automatically be covered then? Or can I ask for it to be covered at the same time?
As for Prohibitive steps order, solisitor seems to think I should have one in place to stop ex from collecting dd from nursery. But is that really necessary? Can''t I just ask the school that she not go home with anyone else, and if father tries to collect her within school hours to ring me? I don''t really think he would try to collect dd from school, he was never that interested in the children - I don''t even now for sure whether he will go to court for contact tbh. I don''t want to leave my dd unprotected, but at the same time I don''t want to go to the expense of getting unnecessary orders in place. Especially when they might even serve to antagonise ex or put ideas in his head.
Given the history of abuse I am inclined to agree with your solicitor. Better to get all this in place now than have to act in a hurry if he turns up at nursery. As it stands, he will have PR and the right to take her from there if he wants to.
please think hard before disregarding your solicitors advice
I am in an abusive relationship, I can relate to the dynamics of being controlled, what if this current passive behaviour on his part is part of the game plan ?
I do not wish to be a scaremonger, give it a few days thought, maybe contact some professionals who have experience in abuse cases
I have been in an abusive relationship for many years and although stbx has never really bothered with the children and as teenagers they have all made the personal decision that they have suffered enough and won''t see him, he is still causing heartache. I spent thousands of pounds and went through three court hearings to obtain an Occupation order to remove him from the house, only for him to agree to leave when it was apparent he was going to be forced out. As part of the agreement he could not come near FMH although we know he did so on a couple of occasions, but only to snoop and didn''t cause real trouble. We have now sold FMH and I have moved so he is now causing problems emailing the children who have now changed their addresses, and harrassing the school and the like and I am waiting now for him to start court proceedings to have contact, which the children will refuse. He hasn''t even sent birthday and christmas cards to all the children for two years and spent all their younger lives shouting at them and terrorising them with violence and threat of it and he now wants contact? Sadly not, he just wants to abuse us some more, and I would dearly love a prohibitive order against him, but in his case that would give him what he really wants, which is contact with me and a chance to control and abuse me as he would defend it all the way and cost me thousands of pounds which I simply don''t have so my solicitor advised against it. If he causes real trouble I will involve the police (again) and if he takes me to court over the children I will let the court listen to the children and come to the obvious conclusion.
In your case however, with younger children I would seriously follow your solicitors advice and take out court orders to prevent him causing problems for you and your young children. My older children have a voice of their own and free will, your little ones need the courts to be by your side to help them.
Without a residence order, your ex could choose not to return your kids following contact. It''s unlikely, but if he did so then you would need to go to court urgently for the children to be returned to you.
Educational establishments such as schools, nurseries and other childcarers legally cannot refuse to hand over a child to a parent with parental responsibility who turns up to collect them.
Some people might choose to ignore those rules by refusing if your ex turned up to collect, but it would place them in a difficult position. If your ex turned up, they would have an irate parent possibly around other children, whom legally they can''t refuse.
That''s likely the reason why your solicitor has recommended you apply for those orders. I would have thought that the court would want to see some suggestion that the child might be at risk from kidnap, but I don''t know for certain.
Thank-you all for taking time to respond, and jar of hearts for sharing your story. Guess I''ll have to give this some more thought, just don''t wanna go through courts for unnecessary orders which I knownhe''ll defend to the end. Especially where there is a risk he might be given more than he as got - if I go for a residence order, is there a risk he would be given shared residency? And is there any point in having both residency and prohibitive steps stopping him from collecting from school? If I had residence, and he did collect from school, couldn''t I get the police and take them back? I don''t really think there is much chance he would kidnap them, I certainly couldn''t prove this risk to the court.
Ebony I think you need to speak to your solicitor and discuss the pros and cons of each action and see whether one will cover the problem. Also have you found a domestic violence organisation to give you support? Search the internet for something local and they will help and support you through this process and will probably advise on how best to proceed. You may also be able to get some counselling which will help you to get things straight in your head and build you back up into the strong confident person you almost certainly once were.