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1st Mediation session attended few questions

  • ffc1991
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13 Jul 12 #342928 by ffc1991
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Thanks again

Well in mediation I didn''t say no to supervised contactto address her concerns butas like you said it was on a very short term basis. Your point regarding progression is another point both myself and the mediator raised and she said that''s could see her weekly in a contact centre. My EX is pretty immature when it comes to things like this and really fails to see the larger picture of things. I personally don''t think it''s suitable for anyone but her to do the supervised contact personally but then I feel i could be shooting myself in the foot by saying no to supervised contact by somebody who I feel is inappropriate? And possibly be seen as unreasonable?

Psonally I feel my ex should be doing it if anybody. She says she finds it upsetting but boohoo as far as I''m concerned. I find it upsetting tha I haven''t seen my daughter in 11 weeks, that I''m being told I''m incapable of being a good dad but I''m still willing to compromise etc.

The whole system is a joke IMO and find it hard to understand some things. Don''t get me wrong I''ve got it pretty easy compared to some fathers on here I''ve had no false disgusting allegations against me but it doesn''t make it any easier.

I just wish in the first heAring a judge could tell my EX how stupid she''s being and her concerns aren''t a valid reason etc. But feels like it could be months before anything like that will happen.

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13 Jul 12 #342930 by jslgb
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I know how you feel but there will come a time when she is told she is being unreasonable. It may take a few hearings but once you get to that point things will change!

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13 Jul 12 #342931 by ffc1991
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jslgb wrote:

I know how you feel but there will come a time when she is told she is being unreasonable. It may take a few hearings but once you get to that point things will change!


Yh I''m 100% sure that time will come just frustrating that it''s clear to see as black and white and even mediators who are deemed to be impartial was clearly indicating that she was being unreasonable and had no real reasons to have supervised contact ? Just stupid that I may have to wait months for this to happen.

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13 Jul 12 #342938 by WhiteRose
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I know you''re frustrated, but the best way to be in Court is Mr Squeaky-clean.

Stay calm.

Don''t try to discredit your stbx or try to make her look stupid, acknowledge her concerns, but appeal to her (and the Judges) common sense that you are very capable and want to prove this (great suggestion about the diary/journal). Rather than have minimal contact - you want to allay her fears and ensure she does not worry about your daughters care in your contact time and this way you all will benefit.

Yes you will be happy to show/prove how capable you are at caring for your daughter, you just need a chance to do this.

If the mediator agrees with you, hopefully a Court would and CAFCASS too. There are no real/valid concerns about contact, yes she is being unreasonable, but if you gave her some empathy (being a young new mum) you all may be able to move forward.

Just don''t slate her or the system (as frustrated as you are) be open, friendly, CALM and stay focused on the childs best interests.

Fingers crossed for you - I hope your little girl gets plenty Daddy cuddles soon :)

WR

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13 Jul 12 #342947 by ffc1991
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Thanks for your reply

During mediation i stayed calm imo and tried to address my EX partners concerns, but as stated in previous threads and posts she really isn''t 1 for listening.

Regarding me proving this etc, as stated in a previous post she has said sheel find somebody to supervise me, which I haven''t said no to but the people she''s suggesting imo are incredibly innapropriate and i couldn''t rely on them to tell the truth or stay impartial so to speak. Her parents hate me with a passion and until 2 months ago they hadn''t spoken to my EX for 2 years or seen my daughter for the first 5.5 months of her life. They see it as i stole there daughter from them when my EX chose to leave home and move away with me. After giving my EX an ultimatum, when she chose me over them. So as you can see it''s incredibly innapropriate if they provide this supervision.

But do i really have a choice in the matter?

Regarding the empathy etc, even after all this i still give her a much larger amount of money than i have to and have said i''m there if she ever needs me. She''s a fantastic mother for my daughter but how she''s handling things are incredibly wromg and silly.

Is there anything i can read that will prepare me for the first hearing? is it likely that things can get sorted at the first hearing?

Thanks

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13 Jul 12 #342963 by WhiteRose
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I agree you''ve done everything right! I suppose my post came across wrong, what I was trying to do is encourage you to maintain the calm.

It could be easy to lose patience and be frustrated with her, but I was clumsily trying to say how to be in Court.

If it seems that all you are interested in is slating each others parental skills you both will come across badly.

Your long term (and short term) goal is to have proper contact with your daughter.

Stay focused on that. Your proposals are fair and reasonable.

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13 Jul 12 #342967 by ffc1991
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I did see where you was coming from in your post.

i won''t slate my EX''s parenting skills as she''s a fantastic mother so i wont ever fall into that bracket really of getting into a slating match as it''s pointless as you say and iv''e read.

Just gotta know and feel confident how I can not discredit so to speak but make her see that what she''s aying isnt valid without making her look stupiud or w.e you say?

She isn''t denying contact and isn''t against my long term proposals which is ofcourse a massive advantage. But can''t help but feel it''s still going to take a long time.

I really am at a lost with these proposals for supervised contact. It''s unecessary but like said ina previous post should i reject the supervised ocntact if it''s her parents who are doing it? It wouldn''t be appropriate imo. Would i get chance to air this opinion in the first meeting?

My EX partner did state she''d be happy to let my twin or sister be there. Which ofocurse i''d be happy with but my twin lives 250 miles away and my sister 100 miles away. My sister has said she would be willing to do it. But not all the time. All the proposals come with conditions thyat other people can help. What happens if they can''t do it 1 time? The contact is then disrupted and back to dquare one once more.

As you can see I have alot of concerns about her proposals and just worried What i should say in court and if i will even get that chance to.

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