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Holiday contact - should I cancel my plans?

  • Jenna29
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17 Jul 12 #343706 by Jenna29
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Daughter is almost 5, her father and I have been seperated for 3 years during which her father has never had extra contact during holidays - his choice, I have always offered. We don''t have a contact order but at mediation he said he wanted her for half of all holidays. I asked him at the beginning of the year if he wanted to arrange holiday dates then; no response. I asked again a few weeks before February/Easter/May holidays and he said he didn''t want any extra contact. I asked in May about the summer holidays and again in June; no response. Yesterday he text me telling me what dates he''d booked off and what dates he wants our daughter - they are next week! I had arranged (and paid for) various things including a camping trip, coach trip, day out with her friends and a show. Ex says he cannot book any other days off. Should I cancal our plans?

  • jslgb
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17 Jul 12 #343710 by jslgb
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In a word.....NO!!

I have seen your previous posts about this and you have tried to get this information out of you ex on numerous occasions. He cant decide a week before to let you know. He would have had to give his work more notice than that to actually get time off! Explain to him that its too short notice and that you have already arranged and paid for plans that week and offer him an alternative. What more can you do?

  • rubytuesday
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17 Jul 12 #343711 by rubytuesday
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No, you have given him plenty of time to arrange time off during the summer, and he indicated that he didn''t want any additional time.

I would say to him that you have already put plans in place on the strength of him saying he didn''t want any additional time over the summer, and you are happy to arrange something else with him for after next week, once you are back from your holiday.

Enjoy your holiday :)

  • ffc1991
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17 Jul 12 #343712 by ffc1991
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Absolutely not

If you''ve offered him dates and asked him for dates you''ve done everything you can do. As JSL said offer him numerous other dates and you''ve done all you can do.

  • Emma8485
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17 Jul 12 #343716 by Emma8485
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I am saying no as well. No employer unless there are extenuating circumstances is going to agree summer holiday leave at a weeks notice, so if in fact hes even off then he must have booked it ages ago.

Text him back saying after your numerous attempts to arrange holiday contact with him and his refusal to give you dates you have made and paid for plans and wont be able to re arrange, offer an alternative later on when you are back and enjoy yourself!

From historic stuff, and how he has behaved before, you cant even guarantee he has booked the time off - he may well have got wind of your plans, and decided to say that he wants those dates knowing that you will say no, and then he can blame you for having no extra contact - maybe i am cynical but just a thought based on how he has tried to manipulate you in the past?

  • Jenna29
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17 Jul 12 #343726 by Jenna29
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I did explain that we have plans and that if he''d responded back in May then I wouldn''t have made those plans and that I have now spent money on them/our daughter is excited about them so it is too late to cancel. I offered three lots of alternative dates which he says he cannot do. Ruby - he didn''t say he didn''t want any extra contact this time, he just hadn''t responded. In his opinion I shouldn''t have planned anything and he should have first choice of dates as he has to book them off of work. Emma - I have thought that he probably hasn''t even got time off like you say, it is just frustrating to always be blamed for things. No doubt when our daughter goes there next he''ll tell her he''d booked so many fantastic things but Mummy said she couldn''t go...grr!

I asked if he wanted to arrange October half-term dates now to avoid this problem occuring again. He said he wants to have her for a week to take her abroad. As he has never had her for longer than 2 nights (3 once at Christmas) I think that contact needs to be built up first - preferably in this country, plus she will only just have started school so could do with a more relaxing week off and I''ve booked a show and a hotel stay for 2 of the days. I''ve said he can extend his weekend to include the rest of the days, he said no because he wants a full week and will be going abroad whether she goes or not.

  • missguided
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17 Jul 12 #343733 by missguided
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Hi Jenna

I agree also that the answer should be a big fat no!

I have it with my ex too, with fathers day i asked him a month in advance if he wanted to swap Sunday or whole weekend so he had our son for fathers day (fell on my weekend with son).
He didnt get back to me, only when i told him a week before that if not told me by end of day i will be making own plans as have my own father to see.
he said he''d like breakfast (as still living together) and dinner (i even then suggested he invited his other 2 children round for tea also).
However, on the day he kicked off that i''d planned to go out with son in the afternoon???

Anyway, back to you.
You have done your best and if that isnt good enough for him then just too bad.
You are not a puppet on a string, you are being reasonable and deserve the same in return.

It also isnt acceptable when you have spent money and already told your daugther.
Stand your ground or he will try it even more in future im sure!

Miss x

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