She''s done it again....

Well I was meant to have my son today. I told my stbx that I would have him wednesday, thursday and friday during the time she was at work. I have a witness to saying that, my friend Bill. In fact it was his idea that I should say that to her.

She failed to appear today. No word, no communication nothing.

Had to text her to say I was meant to have my son.

Got a message back saying "Oh you said Monday, Wed and Friday." Which is a load of crap. I have a witness who will agree I said thursday, not monday. So I am now completely sick of this crap.

Spoken to my solicitor about it. Again he is not happy.

I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time.

May I ask if there is a Contact Order in place?

I know it can be frustrating, especially when "misunderstandings" like this happen. Unfortunately, unless you have a defined schedule to follow, things like this will continue to happen. Heck, it might continue to happen even if you have a defined schedule if the RP wants to play difficult.

Than again, it might... just MIGHT ... be a simple misunderstanding.

Of course your solicitor won''t be happy, his job is to represent your view. This is still very new and the best way to avoid misunderstandings is to agree a written parenting plan. There is good one to available to download from the Scottish Government website. You can then attach a contact schedule and make arrangements for the notice required to change them. A mediator can help if communication is difficult or if your wife won''t go to mediation you can negotiate through your solicitor.

While I agree that misunderstandings can and do happen, I was very clear about when I would take care of my son. As a train driver, we are told to that communication is important and being clear and exact is of paramount importance. So I had prepared before hand exactly what I would say.

She however has now done this to me three times. Once is an error. Twice a coincidence. Three times though is taking the mickey.

I cant have set days for when I will have my son, my days off vary every week, as does my shift patterns. At the moment I am off work with stress, so I thought i would have my son when she was at work. Simple, no hassles and I got to see my son three days. And possibly Sunday too into Monday morning. I thought that was pretty reasonable and would make life a little easier for her.

Now this....

She came out with a belter too. "As if I dont have enough to deal with without this". That is funny because I didnt want her to take my son from me, nor did I want her to move out, I wanted her to stay and work on her marriage. She chose this.

Even if you have shifts you can have an agreement about how and when arrangements are to be made. For example you can agree that you will send your shift schedule on the day you receive it along with proposed days, contact will be so many days a week or a month and your ex will confirm arrangements in writing by return. If arrangements are clearly written in black and white they are difficult to dispute.

Thanks Fiona, as always you are a mine of information and advice.

I am not trying to dispute her word, however she has said one thing and done another throughout this mess. She has lied to me, my son and everyone around her. From now on I am taking your advice and writing it down and getting her to sign it as an agreement.

The thing is, and its a big thing for me right now, This Andy clown sees my son more than me. And she still claims there is nothing going on between them.

Far be it for me to have doubts about my wife''s word, which I regard as having about as much value as an old half penny. I can only go with the evidence I see before me. And its not good.

I am so sorry Stumpylad that you feel like this. There is no easy way to deal with feelings when a partnership/marriage breaks down and children are involved. Even more so when the "other man/woman" comes into the picture.

I agree with Fiona that you need to have a written contact arrangement as this will relieve much of the stress, uncertainty and disputes. No-matter who moved out and why, the fact, unfortunately, remains that usually the RP sees the NRP as an inconvenience when they start making plans for the future. This is why I find it helpful when people in this situation attend Parenting Programs. This way everyone gets to udnerstand that nomatter who is in a child''s life, this child has ONE mother and ONE father and needs both of them equally in their life.

I remember my feelings when my ex husband found a new woman (today his wife) and his reaction when I found my partner. OMG! He went nuts! He was sending him threatening e-mails, telling him to stay away from his son, etc etc. Today they are best buddies and sometimes they even piss me off when they form a "league" against me in arguments...lol!

Maybe this Andy guy is not that bad after all and maybe, just MAYBE he is good with your son also. It would be nice if your son gets a new friend that is able to also look after him and provide him with stability, wouldn''t it?