taking 4yr old away from mum for 2 weeks?

Hi All

My stbx has just received my divorce petition including statement of arrangements for son.

He says he wants to contest arrangements. He is happy with eow and one night per week, but contests school holiday arrangements.
I originally (verbally) offered 50% school holidays, but he made it clear this impacted his social life far too much. Subsequently i offered 2 weeks of school holidays (over whole year) which he said he was happy with.
However he has had a fit as i have stated that whilst our son is so young these must be 2x 1 week periods with this increasing to 2 full weeks when he is older if necessary.
I dont believe this is an unreasonable request.My main reason behind this is that in April i took my son on a 2 week holiday. We werent living with stbx at this point, so despite him not seeing his father every day he still got a little upset about missing him. He didnt get distaught just wasnt happy. Dont get me wrong, i would consider taking him for 2 weeks as i believe it was manageable for him. However for him to be away from me (i see him every day and do everything for him) i truely believe he would be extremely distraught after a few days. I am not prepared to put him through this.

Am i being unreasonable (opinions from both mums and dads welcome) also would he get any where contesting this? Perhaps he will just try to restrict me to only going abroad for 1 week at a time?
What would be likely outcome if we cant agree (i assume court would decide)?
Thanks
Miss

Having two weeks yourself but not letting him have two weeks is likely to be inflammatory, however good your reasons. I would offer that you will also stick to one week at a time so as not to interfere with his contact arrangements too much, with him doing the same, and suggest that this is reviewed in a couple of years when your son is older.

Best wishes,
Sadie

missguided wrote:

However for him to be away from me (i see him every day and do everything for him) i truely believe he would be extremely distraught after a few days. I am not prepared to put him through this.

Are you sure that the issue is that you are going to miss your son and be distraught rather than the other way round?

The acid test for reasonable is to put yourself in the position of the other party and see if it still seems reasonable.

Is it reasonable for one parent to be able to have two weeks away and the other parent restricted to one ?

LB

LB...i know where you are coming from, but if need be im prepared to also be limited to 1 week (i only did 2 weeks as my mother bought holiday for us, i could never have even afforded 1 week).

I would of course be lying if i said i wouldnt miss my son if he went away for 2 weeks, but my main reason is that based on what i saw with him missing his dad i know whole heartedly it would be worse and he would be distraught. I believe it is not in his best interests.
I have even stated that this would change when he''s older, just not why quite so young.

Miss

Yes you are being unreasonable.Your motivation is that you don''t want the kid away from you for two weeks.So you are making up the normal bs justifications that women come up with.They project their neediness into the best interest of the kid and I know best as the mother.
All the best
HRH xx

HRH


If this was the reason i would (on here) happily hold my hand up, but it truely isnt the case.

Yes i would miss him of course, but not no 1 motivation, if you had seen him upset over his father you would understand. He is 4 remember, would you liked to have been away from your mother for that long at that age?

I know for a fact i went away for a weekend at that age and cried so hysterically my mother had to come and collect me!

I respect everyones opinions and have asked for them, but please dont tell me what my motivation is when it is clearly stated already.

Miss

Miss,

I think your right to build up to it and your suggestions are fair. When i was still with stbxh we took his eldest away on holiday when she was 7 and towards the end of the week she got very upset about her mum and we cut the holiday short and returned home. 4 is very young to be spending so long away from their resident parent, particularly as they have little concept of time.

Also, as it is only two weeks holiday throughout the whole year would he not want to spread it out over the school holidays?

x