A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Weekends and other days...!!

  • bobbeckit
  • bobbeckit's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344303 by bobbeckit
Topic started by bobbeckit
I am just about to move out of the family home and my wife and I are at the point where we need to sort out the arrangements for the children.

My wife has suggested that I have them every Friday, and every other weekend. The every other weekend consisting of Friday after school to Monday morning, or Sunday evening.

The reason she would like me to agree to having them every Friday is so that she can work an additional nigh shift. (She hasnt even started the new job yet!!!!)

Whilst I am happy to have my children as much as possible, and for my wife to earn extra money, I have concerns that the night shifts won''t always available on Friday''s and this is more a means of securing social nights out with friends.

I also have to rebuild a social life and this is going to be hard to do if I agree to have the children every Friday.

By all means I am happy to have them when the work is there, but I don''t believe that this is going to be the case every week. She says she want''s it agreed on her terms so that the children have a set routine.

The thing is I don''t want to rock the boat and start arguing over the children so I need to be tactful in how I approach this.

Does anyone have any suggestions on the best way to tackle this?

  • jslgb
  • jslgb's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344308 by jslgb
Reply from jslgb
Can i just point out, if you only have your children every friday night and every other weekend that gives you a hell of a lot more opportunities to have a social life than your ex wife.

You should be more accepting of the arrangements she is offering you. There are many people on this forum fighting for even half of what she is offering.

  • cookie2
  • cookie2's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344313 by cookie2
Reply from cookie2
Yes, many fathers would jump at the chance to have their kids every Friday as well as alternate weekends. Who gives a flying hoot what she does on her fridays, whether she''s working or studying or watching Jerry Springer or slutting it out at the local dive? As long as she doesn''t involve the kids in her shenanigans, how does it affect you?

It is much harder to get more contact than it is to get less. If you settle for every other weekend now, and then in 6 months want more, you will find it very difficult. So I would suggest you take everything you can get.

  • alldone69
  • alldone69's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344315 by alldone69
Reply from alldone69
Hi, jump at the chance, !!!! you could say that you will have the children every other weekend and when she starts her new job you will then do every friday aswell, to have more contact with the children and to help her out interested to see what her responce would be x good luck x

  • happyagain
  • happyagain's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344367 by happyagain
Reply from happyagain
jslgb wrote : "You should be more accepting of the arrangements she is offering you. There are many people on this forum fighting for even half of what she is offering."

I agree with the principle but not the way it is expressed. Contact should be jointly agreed between parents as they are both equally responsible for the children''s wellbeing. Dad is as entitled to as much contact as mum and it shouldn''t always be on mum''s terms. Regardless of whether people are fighting for more contact or not, that doesn''t make the situation right.

  • jslgb
  • jslgb's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344374 by jslgb
Reply from jslgb
Yes it should be discussed and arranged between parents but the reasons for not finding the contact offered appropriate is nothing to do with the children''s best interests and relies solely upon the parents social lives. Namely him not wanting his wife to have the opportunity to spend friday nights going out when he cant. Even though his ex wife has expressed she would like him to have the children friday nights so she can work.

I have my child every night of the week. Her dad see''s her 6 hours a week only. Yet not once have i complained that i need a social life! I am a parent, my priority is my child.

  • happyagain
  • happyagain's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Jul 12 #344380 by happyagain
Reply from happyagain
Well that is your opinion and you are entitled to it but I think that all parents need a bit of me-time. I am a mum of 2 and a step mum of 3, I work full-time. During the week I am simply too exhausted to go out in the evening and I look forward to the odd weekend when my in laws come to visit so I can have a break. My children are my priority but that shouldn''t mean that an adult life can''t exist alongside this.
Bob I think it is normal to want a bit of social time, perhaps you expressed yourself badly. In your position I would be asking for some midweek contact too. Then if your ex isn''t working or going out and wants to see the kids on the odd Friday night, this can happen without you going too long in between seeing them.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11