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Advice needed regarding new baby

  • jumpingthroughhoops
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21 Jul 12 #344528 by jumpingthroughhoops
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Hi, I know that my reaction to finding out gf is pregnant is not normal, first thoughts are off sorted out shared residence order. And yes we are still together, :(
Spent 3 years battling lies and obstructions for shared residency of my 2 kids. Worst time of my life which I cannot go through again. GF said she''s pregnant and all I can think is if we split I''ve got to do it again. I don''t think emotionally and mentally I could cope with it again.
I asked her what kind of arrangement she''d agree IF we ever split up, (advice to all men - that is not the best response when gf says she is pregnant). She of course reluctant to discuss it but I really feel I need some arrangement in place even if just to get rid of that fear.
Is there any way we could agree to a shared parenting arrangement, have it signed in front of solicitor so it carries similar weight to a court order? ust so I know where I stand should it all go wrong?

  • Blue Storm
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21 Jul 12 #344540 by Blue Storm
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Hi, I am pregnent, and divorcing. Been told unborn child is not subject to court proceedings so they don''t count. I could be wrong but you might have to wait until the child is born and see how she registers the baby under the birth certificate. also check on Pr

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21 Jul 12 #344541 by jumpingthroughhoops
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I''m pretty sure when registered it will be jointly so I''ll be on birth certificate but unfortunately PR doesn''t give me automatic contact rights,

  • Fiona
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21 Jul 12 #344546 by Fiona
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Having PR gives you the same responsibility and rights to carry out those responsibilities as the mother and there is case law going back some 15-20 years that a relationship with both parents is presumed in the best interests of children in all but the most exceptional of cases.

When there is a problem it is practically exercising PR rather than what is on paper so I''m not sure a shared parenting agreement would help if you separated and the arrangements would be subject to review anyway.The FJR has recommended that in future the terms "residence" and "contact" are done way with in private family cases so by then the law is likely to have been changed so that we have "Child Arrangements" rather than shared residence or parenting agreements.

What may be more useful is arranging your work and child care patterns so that they are shared substantially during the relationship. However, you need to be careful. There was one couple who were determined to share child care equally and the relationship ended because of the tension caused by being in each others hair and falling over each other. :S

  • jslgb
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21 Jul 12 #344547 by jslgb
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I understand your hesitation with this situation but it is worth pointing out that if you continue to think like this it will affect your relationship and you are more likely to find yourself in the same situation again.

My stbxh told me when i found out i was pregnant that ''he didnt want this'' as he had gone through all kinds of battles over access to his eldest. I never forgave him for this. It was my first child after being told i would never have children and i was devastated.

It is way too early on to be questioning your girlfriend on ''what ifs'', who knows how things will play out? Make the most of your relationship and your new child and enjoy them. Being cynical will only lead to problems!!

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21 Jul 12 #344548 by JamesLondon
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Some people never learn from their mistakes?

What made you have unprotected sex with a woman who could conceive?????

Too late now. The moment your dna is loose and swimming fast towards that ovum you cease to have any ownership. You had best now just keep the girlfriend sweet,never say no and give her whatever she wants.

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21 Jul 12 #344549 by jumpingthroughhoops
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Thank you James for your constructive advice :S& for your information my first two were not mistakes!

I agree with what your saying jslgb, part of me hates taking this approach (not as much as the gf hates it though) but just panicking about what COULD happen. Can''t go through it again and would rather be prepared.

Thanks Fiona, good advice as always.

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