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Advice needed regarding new baby

  • jaw
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22 Jul 12 #344624 by jaw
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If my partner asked me questions about access to our unborn child if we split up, a number of thoughts would occur to me. Obviously I would wonder why we would split up...does he have future plans which exclude me? Does he have his eye on someone else? If he does then who...best I keep an eye open, watch all the females he talks to, listen to phone conversations, look at texts, check he is with his mates when he says he is. I thought I knew him but obviously I don''t know what he feels about our relationship...Oh my god, I''m pregnant...What have I done??!!etc etc - you get the picture.

You need to get a grip or you will have a self-fulfilling prophesy on your hands. Good luck.
jaw

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22 Jul 12 #344628 by missguided
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Hi

I had a child with stbx after him divorcing with 2 kids. To be honest i would have been devasted if his first reaction had have been to question what if we broke up!!!!
I think you need to tread very carefully here, if you continue down this path you will do nothing but push gf towards exactly this!
The issue here is not your relationship or your gf but your trust....have you considered counselling?

Ok, so worst case scenario (as i now find myself) is that you split. I know it depends on the individual, but for me i have straight away agreed for stbx to have our child exactly the same time he has the 2 others (eow and wed night).
Of course this is not perfect (compared to living happily ever after all together) but you know what life isnt perfect.
The reason i am splitting with stbx amongst other reasons is his failure to take part in our family life, control and selfishness. All of these things could have been addressed to prevent us splitting....but he didnt!

How about instead of you putting your emotions and effort into what might not happen instead put them into making an amazing relationship/family so that it doesnt happen.

Hope this post has been constructive...unlike some!
Miss x

  • Justaparent
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22 Jul 12 #344629 by Justaparent
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I suppose the OP is worried about being an EOW dad, which as contact with your children goes is pretty pathetic.

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22 Jul 12 #344630 by missguided
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I would love my stbx to share parenting with me, but due to our son being an inconvienience on his social life he chooses it to only be eow.

I know not every mother would agree to shared parenting and its down to the individual.
But it doesnt change the fact that this child is going to happen, so the best thing to do is not get caught up on the what ifs and make sure the what ifs dont happen the best you can!
Miss x

  • DrDaddy
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22 Jul 12 #344678 by DrDaddy
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missguided wrote:

I know not every mother would agree to shared parenting...


Yes. Understatement of the year, really.

  • hattiedaw
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22 Jul 12 #344687 by hattiedaw
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Wow..your poor gf!
You''ve been given a 2nd chance mate and will a "glass half full" attitude you could pull this off.
If I were you I''d book at table at the swankiest restaurant in town, tell the gf that you were in utter shock but you''re delighted, take her for a meal and propose to her (diamonds can make anything better)!
I''m an old romantic I know but my god man your gf must be feeling really crappy at the mo. Not just your reaction but pregnancy hormones etc.
Man up!

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22 Jul 12 #344709 by Chained
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I understand the emotional turmoil you are in due to your past experiences and I really feel for you.

There is no easy remedy for this and noone can assure you that this will never happen again. The only person that can prevent it is you by being an active part in your new baby''s life from the moment that he or she is born. This way, besides doing what every parent should do: bringing up their child, you also make sure that IF something happens in the future she cannot claim that you had been absent and she was the primary carer ;-)

But as for now, maybe it is best if you talked to someone about your thoughts and feelings. Someone that can help you escape the ghosts of the past and look at the future with a positive mind.

Good luck to both of you.

C

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