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Christening a child of seperated parents

  • Reddit
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25 Jul 12 #345322 by Reddit
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Singledad, with respect, your POV is highly polarised and I guess you have had a bad experience. Many non religious people have their kids christened from social pressure. Likewise, there are far more church weddings than there are church goers to justify them.
I''ve already said I am a non believer. That means any religion, but I am tolerant. Both of your points I disagree with strongly.
Your earlier point regarding Hinduism has some basis, but you can''t become a Hindu, you either are or you are not. Islam excludes apostates but not converts. A choice made for you when you are young is not binding and I do not consider myself a Christian despite having been baptised.
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  • jslgb
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25 Jul 12 #345323 by jslgb
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Singledad1 wrote:

As to the person who used the fractured logic "Well I dun it so it be legal" please once again note that perhaps this person''s ex probably did not know the law.


I assume this is aimed at me although i certainly did not use such bad grammar. When my stbxh''s first wife arranged a baptism without his consent he consulted his solicitor and was told that it was not something that would necessarily need his consent and whilst morally wrong it was not illegal.

As for the exclusion argument, you may have experiences that this is not the case, i have experiences that show it is. Whilst a child wont be excluded from regular religious ceremonies such as mass i have friends whose children were asked not to be part of the sacramental process that all catholic children go through at the age of around 7 because they were not baptised. This was why i chose to baptise my daughter in order for her to be fully involved in her education. Each church is different, the father at our local church is extremely strict.

And finally, you say many people are angry and abusive and trying to validate their own behaviour? How has anyone done that on this thread? People have provided experiences but i havent seen one person advocate the OP goes ahead with the christening without talking to her daughters father first.
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25 Jul 12 #345326 by Reddit
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And finally, you say many people are angry and abusive and trying to validate their own behaviour?


I can only see anger and abuse from one poster here. Hmmm...

And it wasn''t jslgb
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  • khan72
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25 Jul 12 #345331 by khan72
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Getting back to the point... Decency would dictate giving the father the option. Forget the law. Lets talk about decency.
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25 Jul 12 #345332 by Reddit
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And tolerance.
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  • TBagpuss
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25 Jul 12 #345333 by TBagpuss
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Legallyyou can have the children baptised without requiring your ex''s consent, but you would be strongly critised for it. This is not an emergency,so there is no excuse for rushing into it.

The appropriate way forward would be to give you ex notice, in writing, that you would like to have both children baptised, set out the time scale you are thinking of (e.g., "I have spoken to the vicar, and this could be arranged on 10 days notice, I''d like to plan for 1st september so there is time to let friends and famiyl know")

Ask him to let you know, within a reasonable time scale (say 3 weeks) if he has any objections. Be specifc in saying that if you have not heard from him you will assume he is happy for you to go ahed.

When you make the plans, invite him again. Invite the children''s relations on that side of the family in the same way as you invite your own.

If he objects strongly, you can, if you wish, apply for a specifc issue order to ask the Judge to decide.

LEgally, as I said, you would not be reaking the law or any order if you simply go ahed without him, but it would be wholly inappropriate and very disrespectful to his role as their other parent. (and do remember that this goes both ways; he has just as much right as you do to exercise his PR unilaterally. It''s much better in the long run if both of you treat the other with respect and consideration, and treat each other as you would like to be treated.

Also, ask yourself why you want to do this? You are free to take your children to church when they are with you whether they are baptised or not. Have you talked to your vicar or priest about it (My understanding is that other than Catholisism, most denominations see baptism as a welcome not as a necessity - so tour children are not excluded from anything (up to and including the kingdom of heaven) if they are not baptised.

If you *are* catholic, then there are further issues - again, in my understanding, baptism may involve making promises about how the child will be brouught up, which are efinitely something which you and your ex need to be agreeing on.
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25 Jul 12 #345334 by khan72
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Tolerance...I believe Jesus taught that too :)

Just like to add...nothing wrong with having religion. If anything the guidance contained in it is a moral one.

You could also see it this way. How would you feel if your ex got your daughter into Budhism and made her wear sandals without informing you? Would you feel ok with that?

What is good enough for the goose is good enough for the gander.

Just do the right thing...

All the best.
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