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Christening a child of seperated parents

  • Fiona
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25 Jul 12 #345337 by Fiona
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It isn''t a question of wanting to validate anyone''s behaviour, it is purely a matter of law. s2(7) Children Act 1989 states where more than one person has parental responsibility for a child, each of them may act unilaterally. The exceptions to this are set out in case law namely the changing of a child''s name, taking children to live abroad permanently and important educational and medical decisions.

Any other decision parent''s may act alone. If the other parent disagrees it is open for either of them to apply for a court order to regulate PR and then a court will make a judgement after hearing both sides. However, the probability of preventing a christening is unlikely to succeed on the basis someone who is a notional Christian proposing a Christian ceremony.

I agree discussion and agreement when possible is the best way for separated parents to parent.
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  • fluffy76
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25 Jul 12 #345339 by fluffy76
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My ex-h is a devout Catholic and I am an atheist. I''d be so upset if he arranged heir holy communions without my consent. However, I don''t have any issue with them going to mass on his weekends. They hate it. I think it''s good for them to explore Catholicism but I don''t agree to them being ''labelled'' until they take that decision later in life.
Ex h on the other hand, rants at them that they are Catholics and that they will go to Mass. He tells them Mum is a Catholic(I was raised as a Catholic). My sister got her son christened to get into a good school. She then moved house and got him into an outstanding non denominational school and he hasn''t been to mass since!!
People christen their children for a numb of different reasons.
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  • khan72
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25 Jul 12 #345356 by khan72
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Fiona,
I have a question. If my daughters hair looks a bit "mullet-like", can i get her hair cut and not have to talk to ex about it?
It would be a definite improvement. Current hairstyle reminds me of "Roger Ramjet". Not cool.
Maybe I should take pictures before and after so that a judge can see its an improvement.
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  • Singledad1
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25 Jul 12 #345365 by Singledad1
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I dont like arguing and getting personal, so I dont direct my responses to anyone in particular - but rather to what their points are. But I am a bit confused by Reddit''s strong response accusing me of intolerance. I dont think a shame tactic is going to work in this particular instance.

For the record I have 50/50 shared residence, so I have some experience - and I know how hard it can be when someone wants to behave like a stubborn child rather than work together to parent. I have faced horrid allegations which were false. I work on a daily basis to resolve arguments and find solutions. I do recognise manipulation and abuse, however subtle it is. But I have seen how happy my son is when he sees both his parents being civil rather than being upset. Children are tremendously sensitive.

If anything I am preaching tolerance towards a child and towards the other parent. I advocated it throughout.

This really is not about YOUR experience of Christianity Reddit. Were you baptised without the consent of your other parent? fluffy''s perspective is correct. Going to church, or mosque or temple is fine and educational, becoming that religion without consent of the other parent or having the right to choose even, is not.

Religion, like most things in life is OUR choice, not that of our parent. They can seek to influence it, but not dictate it. So where there is a disagreement, the court will take a stance of "neutral" - no choice.

So fiona is wrong. What she is describing is a tactic, that if you did it, and he took you to court, the chances of anything being done about it would be low. Again this depends on how well he argues in court and whether he wants to go all the way to the supreme court. Or he might choose to bring it up when making allegations of abuse against you (he might be a difficult person himself, who knows), do you really need that criticism to be made against you? So I disagree with fiona''s point. Its this kind of advice which perpetuates fights.

And fiona, I am not making any personal judgement on you and I hear that you are just trying to stick to points of law. But with respect, it is not the legally correct thing to do and most sensible lawyers would advise against it without seeking consent of either the other parent with responsibility OR the court. Tbagpuss has the right idea...which basically describes that you do need consent...though its a bit confusing why you say legally you can do it. I think you mean its not a criminal offence. No its not. It is a civil offence. It is a breach of parental rights. Going to church and reading the bible and doing all the ceremonies is not. But a christening and change of religion is. Surely it has to be an equal civil right whether the other parent is hindhu, muslim, whatever.

As for exclusion from the church, surely it is more tolerant to have a child participate in MOST of the religious activities vs. of ALL of them but at the cost of the other parent NOT agreeing to it.

Quite literally doing this is committing a sin according to Christianity is it not? Honouring thy mother AND thy father? Thats like a commandment right? That was an attempt at levity but for those devout, I am sure you will take this seriously and no offence intended.

I think Jenna29 should be a bit more tolerant towards the views of the other parent with responsibility. A christening and a baptism is a serious thing that does require parental consent. Fiona is wrong, case law is not the same as constitutional law. What is proven in one case does not apply in another, it is a guidance at best and case specific. I assure you if she tried it where the other parent was a Hindhu she would unequivocally fail.

Just to be clear, what I am very upset about advocating is doing the christening without informing the father. As you strip him of his human rights and parental rights as well as the right of the child to be parented by him.

So telling someone they dont need consent for something, where they clearly do (as it is morally correct) - well what do you think family courts are about if not morality? Where in the constitution or the children welfare act does it say you have the right to do something like this when someone else has parental responsibility?

Rights are stated in the constitution. Anything else, you DONT have the right to do. In the end, its about doing things in a way that achieves long term happiness and is best for the child. This is NOT through the court unless there is risk of harm involved.
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  • Singledad1
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25 Jul 12 #345366 by Singledad1
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HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Khan72 If it stops her getting bullied at school then YES!
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  • QPRanger
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25 Jul 12 #345368 by QPRanger
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A mullet as far as I''m concerned is your Billy Ray Cyrus or perhaps Chris Waddle at the 1990 World Cup.
Not good on a lad so a DEFINITE NO NO on a girl!
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  • Singledad1
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25 Jul 12 #345370 by Singledad1
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