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  • BIGFOOT600
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29 Jul 12 #345900 by BIGFOOT600
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I have started to recieve again emails from my ex''s partner. He began by offering me the chance of seeing my son without any involvement of a contact centre or a supervisor. This I found to be a bit strange but mentioned that I could make it later next month due to the now further distance I would have to travel. He agreed this to be ok but then turned round and said. "Do not be suprised if your son does not want to see you" With that I thought well I am not wasting 10 hours in travel to find out that is what will be said. With that he has continued to email me until I put a stop to it the other night and told him to wait until what the CAFFCAS officer decides what is best. He turn offered me the chance to speak to my son over the phone to find out why my son does not want to see me anymore. All be it I declined and will wait for the CAFFCAS report. Unfortunately no one as yet has been to see me and its not until October for the next proposed court hearing. I have since declined any offer of contact until then as I am feeling that the CAFFCAS officer may take my sons wishes into account if he is adament in saying no to seeing me regardless of the reason. That reason to those who are reading my thread is through that of alienation and it has now come to this in where I might have to give up seeing my son and hope one day he comes to find me but inbetween time my ex''s partner does not file for adoption as he has the idea of doing this.

  • stepper
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29 Jul 12 #345901 by stepper
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Hi Bigfoot - in my son''s case he had a letter from CAFCASS regarding the wishes and feelings report regarding the children. It stated that CAFCASS would be in contact shortly and gave the name of the CAFCASS officer.

My son took this at face value, but in the event the wishes and feelings interview took place at his exes house. He only found out about it by one of the children mentioning it.

He telephoned to request a similar interview at his home as he has a shared residence order for his children. His request was declined.

With hindsight he would have telephoned CAFCASS immediately on receipt of the letter and made an appointment with them.

  • khan72
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30 Jul 12 #346138 by khan72
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Bigfoot - You should tell CAFCASS that you believe that there is some degree of parental alienation going on and ask them as to what processes and procedures are in place to detect it and deal with it. Ask for something in writing.

Please also give examples - eg my son used to enjoy XYZ with me and now i am told he does not wish to see me?

Parental Alienation is recognised by the courts. It is not recognised as a syndrome. (PAS). PA is similar to Stockholm syndrome where a hostage will begin to sympathise with those who hold him hostage.

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30 Jul 12 #346146 by BIGFOOT600
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Thanks Khan that''s just the answer I was looking for

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30 Jul 12 #346151 by khan72
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BigFoot,
I strongly suggest you read up on PA as well as strategies to reduce this. Forewarned is forearmed. It will help prepare you for the possible long-term "asymetric warfare". The good news is your son will grow up and be able to see what has happened. Bottom line is that children are not stupid... They grow up and they vote with their feet if necessary. The worse the alienation, the more violent the reaction will be from the child. Many children of PA actually resent the alienator in their adult life.... I call it Karma.
This only happens if you stay in touch with your children. If you don''t, they resent just you or both.

...as Yoda said, "Patience young Paduan".

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30 Jul 12 #346219 by Fiona
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So has it been decided if the original CAFCASS officer is reporting or is one from somewhere else doing it?

When there is evidence from an independent expert witness (e.g. psychiatrist or psychologist) the courts will recognise parental alienation. However in the UK you will be hard pushed to find a psychiatrist or psychologist that will liken parental alienation to Stockholm syndrome. The Royal College of Psychiatrists advises expert witnesses not to use novel conditions and there is an uncertain evidence base for Stockholm Syndrome because there are no recognised diagnostic criteria, or no general agreement to the syndrome’s nature, or even no agreement as to its existence.

Before instructing independent witnesses CAFCASS will investigate to identify the reasons why a child resists contact, which may not be apparent. The first consideration is whether or not the child is resistant to contact rather or the parent being hostile to contact. Sometimes this will be quite straightforward: an interview with a CAFCASS shows that while the child may have been telling the resident parent that they did not want to see the other parent, when in fact they are aren''t sure or actively want to.

Other times it might be that children have had real bad experiences (witnessing outbursts of temper, arguments between parents etc). Then there are those children who can reasonably describe circumstances where they find contact unrewarding. There are also those whose resistance to contact is more due to children siding with the parent with the majority of care and to them seeing the other parent is disloyal. Children resisting contact because they have deliberately had their mind poisoned is quite rare.

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30 Jul 12 #346222 by khan72
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Fiona,
I respectfully disagree with you on the deliberate poisoning of children. I have spoken with many divorced women. some of whom have admitted doing this. They also grew out of it after a few years.
If it were rare, how come i found four rare women who admitted it?

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