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WHat is the priority?

  • harryno
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04 Aug 12 #347232 by harryno
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This is my first post on this site and am, to say the least confused.

Married 8 years, son of 4, until 3 weeks ago I, and I thought we, had a great life. Just had a great a holiday, we do lots together, hardly ever argue and no apparent issues. A few months ago we had a few problems but I thought it was sorted and life since had been great.

Two weeks ago I found out my wife was out with a guy, probably very innocent but it was all secret so I was bit hacked off.

It''s now very "frosty" and I am expecting papers from a solicitor!

When we had the problems a little while ago I went to a mates house for a week to see if some space helped. However, at the weekend I took our son out and when I dropped him off and went to leave he went crazy. He clearly knew there was some issues.

What I don''t understand is how my wife can consider splitting up without considering the impact on our son. It''s not as if she wants to be with somebody else, she isn''t married to an abusive, drunken, lazy, womanising man (honest!). She will break up just for the principal, which I understand to a point but I can''t see how a principal can be more important than the happiness and well being of a child.

I am really confused, surprised and above all really worried for my son. And, of course, I would be less than honest if I didn''t admit to be really really scared about being separated from my son, he is my world.

  • ffc1991
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04 Aug 12 #347239 by ffc1991
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Hi Harry

I''m of the opinion that staying together just for the child''s sake is more detrimental in the long run. Don''t get me wrong I can undestand why people do it as I also concidered it when I split up with my EX partner.

What makes you think that sheel be seeking a divorce has she actually said this? Just by going what you''ve said I may have read wrong but your expecting it, not that she''s actually said it.

As for your son i''m sure it will all be perfectly fine if you still want to be with your wife which is clearly seems you do then work as had as you can on that.

The fact you say you argue very little atm would make me feel more confident that you''ll be able to sort out contact with your son.

All the best

ffc

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04 Aug 12 #347273 by harryno
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ffc

I agree 100% that parents shouldn''t stay together just for the kids. I was bought up in a fairly hostile and dis-functional environment and would probably have been better off with my mother, who had re-married and I never saw my dad.

However, there is no hostility here, no arguments. Until a couple of weeks ago I, and I thought it was "we", were having the time of our lives and then it all changed and i have no idea why. I can''t help thinking that if it is so sudden then the issues aren''t that serious and other considerations should prevail especially if it''s a young child.

H

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04 Aug 12 #347284 by ffc1991
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So has your wife actually asked or hinted for a divorce? I know i''m only young but from every marriage iv''e heard and seen they all have rocky patches and arguments my parents 25 year marriage most certainly has.

I''d be very surprised if your just in a bad patch for a couple of weeks and been no previous problems that something that drastic would happen :S.

If she hasn''t asked for a divorce or hinted towards it then maybe your slightly just jumping the gun a little which is understandable in regard to how you clearly feel about your son.

In my personal situation I was a bit to fast of jumping the gun towards Solicitors and regarding court which has made things a bit more difficult. If it did come down to sorting out contact if you were to split i''d try sort it out more ammicably and going by what you said that you have very few arguments it whould be doable, but a break up in itself causes a lot of hostility as i fount out :/ let alone a dicorce which has far more complications.

Anyways wish you all the best and sure evrything will be fine and if god forbid it doesen''t work out how you want, your most certainly in the right place. From my experience this site is pretty awesome and a god send.

  • Fiona
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04 Aug 12 #347291 by Fiona
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Falling out of love isn''t anybody''s fault. I suspect your wife has been dissatisfied with the relationship and deliberated about it for some considerable time. It may be that she has feelings of doubt and guilt and has avoided confronting the issue head-on. Human nature is such that when people suppress their emotions their feelings are often converted or redirected into something else.

  • harryno
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04 Aug 12 #347296 by harryno
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You are so right, so very right. But it doesn''t stop it hurting and it doesn''t stop me fearing the worse with respect to my son.

Every night, since he was a baby, I have gone in to look at him before I go to bed and I''ve always spoken to him while he sleeps. Every night I tell him how proud I am of him, I tell him how clever he is and how strong. I tell him that nobody in the world makes me smile and laugh as much as he does. And I tell him I will always be there to look after him.

I hope he gets the message somehow.

The thought of not being able to do that is destroying me.

  • DrDaddy
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05 Aug 12 #347371 by DrDaddy
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Don''t tell him those things when he is asleep. Tell him to his face every day, and give him a big hug.:)
I mean it.

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